𝙐𝙉𝙁𝙊𝙍𝙂𝙀𝙏𝙏𝘼𝘽𝙇𝙀, 𝘤𝘩𝘶𝘶𝘺𝘢. 𝘯

𝘿𝙊𝙉'𝙏 𝙔𝙊𝙐 𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙀 ; 𝙩𝙚𝙣

the drive back was decent. quiet, if you will.

both chuuya and you didnt utter a single word to each other.

not a single, goddamn word.

but it was a comfortable silence. nothing..

terrible.

you guys dropped a still unconscious dazai off at his apartment, let kunikida know, and made your marry way back to the port mafia, since, that is apparently where you live now.

once at the port, chuuya didnt speak still.

perhaps something went down in the bar? who knows with that hotheaded bitch.

(anything past this point was written nov 9/23, i can't remember what happened!!)

chuuya gives you a look. an annoyed look, but a look nonetheless. his brow raises, and then they furrow as his face distorts with annoyance.

"what?" you ask, your face blank. "don't look at me like that."

"[f/n]."

the way he says your name.. it sends butterflies into your stomach. you meet his gaze, he's annoyed. he's sad. he's confused. he's every emotion a person can possibly be.

"do you see how dazai is now? he's fucked up." he says, running his hand through his long orange hair, letting out an annoyed huff. "you can't seriously think it's a good idea to be around that. i'm trying to help you."

your brows furrow. "you're not a ray of fuckin' sunshine either." you turn your head back towards the window. he's waiting for the rain to let up so we can head inside.

he looks at you, a perplexed expression on his face. "what?"

"do you seriously think im safer in the mafia then i am with dazai? tell me that. tell me you think that's true."

"n-"

"exactly. i'm in the same amount of danger regardless of where i am." you say, your tone softening at the sad expression painted on his face. "am i even safe in yokohama anymore?"

his eyebrows raise, his soft lips part slightly. "i'll keep you safe. you know i can-"

"can you? if you could keep me safe, how come i'm suffering from fucking amnesia?"

"what?"

his voice is stern, it almost scares you. he's pissed off.

"i kept you safe for three fucking years, [f/n]. i was ready to quit the mafia and marry you. i told mori, the day i proposed to you. i told him that i was quitting. that i wanted to settle down and have kids with you. but no, no you went with dazai. you went with dazai, and got yourself on a death mission. you think i would've allowed that had i known?"

he makes a good point. you hate how he's always right. you hate him.

but he's so pretty.

"don't make this an argument i can't argue. i don't even remember that shit! but what am i supposed to believe, when you're telling me one thing, and everyone else is telling me something different?"

he laughs. he fucking laughs his heart out.

"you believe me. you believe the one that would've given the world to have you smile. i have the pictures, and anyone here can prove it to you. what would i get out of lying to you?"

"i don't know, ask dazai. cause i'm supposed to believe that he lied to me. but now, i don't even know what to believe."

you pause, looking out the window, watching as the rain slows, and then my eyes go to the clock. three; fourteen. and then back to him. his face, his jaw, his fucking nose.. and his eyes, those goddamn eyes. they're glossy—is he going to cry?

"i think i should get out of yokohama."

you hear something. maybe it's his breathing, maybe it's his already broken heart shattering into a million more tiny pieces. or, maybe it's the tear that just rolled down his cheek, and dropped into his lap.

"you can't leave me again." he whispers, pulling his eyes away from you, and looking forward, his hand running through his hair once more, his elbow resting against the window. "you can't just do that. you can't.. you can't walk back into my life after the worst month i've ever experienced, and then leave again. that's not fair."

"our whole situation isn't fair, chuuya. life isn't fair, but this is the hand we were dealt. this is what we have to deal with."

"you can't do this again. what about me? what about how i feel? have you thought of that?"

he's sobbing. he's sobbing and your heart cracks through the center at the sight. his lips parted, his eyes glossy as tears run down his face, his pale skin turning red around the nose, eyes, and eyebrows as his chest heaves.

"please, please don't make me go through that again." he begs, not looking you in the eye. he's ashamed. he feels so weak knowing that you have this much control over his emotions. over his thoughts.

"i'll come with you, i'll-" he huffs, running both hands through his hair before resting them against his neck. "i'll keep you safe. we can run away, change our names. just don't you dare fucking leaving me. i won't let you. i can't let you."

"your life is here, chuuya. i have nothing here anymore." you reply, your expression softening as you nip at your lip.

"my life is with you. my heart is with you. it's already been ripped out twice this year, you can't be the cause of the third time too."

fuck. you feel terrible. but you have nothing anymore. nothing. you can't even remember the man you fell in love with, so why.. why does this hurt so much?

"i'll come back. i promise you."

chuuya finally looks at you, and your heart breaks into two pieces. his eyes, his beautiful ocean eyes, are dark. empty, soulless.

"if you walk out of my life again, you mean nothing." it's a lie—straight off his lips. you can tell, his eyebrow twitched.

wait, how did you know that?

"if you walk out, dont come back. don't you dare think you have the right to string me along like that. don't you fucking dare."

fuck.