"someday I'll be falling without caution
but for now, I'm only people watching"
She slides the green button towards the ceiling
One click away, my curiosity would be quenched
I pray, Turn the speaker on.
The universe heard my wishes
I hear him pull in air before uttering rough syllables
First thing he asks
(As I remember)
Was where I was
I keep low
My speech and cardiac throbs
Stuck in my gullet,
eager for useless liberty
what am I writing? Who even is he?
His Amma looks at me
She replies "dolly just left "
With a wide grin
I understand
I anticipate a sigh from the speaker
A sigh of relief
And a thank God too.
"What?
How?
When?
Who picked her?
Ma, I had plans.
You're useless,
you should've stalled her.
I booked the court for an hour and all..."
I couldn't hear anything more
My palpitations were in my eyes, ears, stomach and skull.
I have this feeling she can read the tension within I
I foolsmile unknowingly and interrupt
"Don't bleed on your Amma, Im still here."
She chortles, eyes on the screen.
She hasn't yet noticed my eyes, widened
I hear a startled &confused
(and a bit cute) "huh" from the other line
I proudly smile. I was smooth
he must be flushed..right?
I proceed to say something more foolish
"It takes 5 minutes to come home and check, why waste balance to check on my location?"
He stutters and hangs up
His Amma laughs with joy
What joy? I could never know
I facepalmed mentally
I should shut up
Should've*
I've used present tense, does that mean I relived my memory?
He comes back home
I don't look at him
I face the window while
scrolling endlessly on artworks
And he settles down behind me
Beginning to scroll endlessly on memes
He doesn't bother to look at me
Like I look at his reflection on the pane
How does he hide it so well?
Was it concern or love or simple humanity?
Was it concern and love and simple humanity?
I walk past, he doesn't sense it
He doesn't talk a word
Miles away from him I stop to turn back to look at him
"Amma, I'm hungry"
I continue my journey to the balcony
Never turning back again
Maybe I misunderstood
Or maybe I made him rethink
What could he possibly like in me?
I'm just a stranger to him
And he's a friend of mine.
Nothing more now.
Nothing more never.
