Indigo's Owl [Indigo Rewrite]

Chapter 31 - Laid Bare

Athira wasn't sure how long she and Shift walked, following the Sleeper's trail through the maze of tunnels in silence before he finally spoke.

"So," he said stiffly. "Do I get an explanation, or are we back to 'sit down and shut up' again?"

"I already told you," muttered Athira. "I did what I had to do. That's all there is to it."

"Right," said Shift. "So, what? Earlier tonight when you lied to me, was that just something you had to do? Or have you been sneaking out again after I'm asleep every night, and I just happened to catch you this time?" When Athira remained silent, he put a hand on her shoulder and stopped her. "Talk to me, Thira, or we're not going any further."

She shook him off and kept walking. "Then stay here."

Shift didn't chase after her. "Is this why you've been so tired? Because you've been doing this every night?"

In spite of everything, Athira laughed.

"You think some walking around is why I'm tired?" said Athira, turning back towards him. "I'm tired because Rathe will not stop. I'm tired because every waking hour I have is filled with him screaming inside my head, telling me to kill Zoe. To kill you. To kill Raph and Talia and Kione and everyone else in this worthless city and enjoy it."

She was shaking as she strode towards him, jabbing a finger into the air between them. "And today? At the Surge? Do you know how close I got to not caring if they were gone? You and Zoe were the only reason I didn't delete half the city today, Shift — the only reason — and if anything happens to either of you—"

Athira stopped herself with a breath and retreated a step. She shoved down the anger as Rathe's low growl reverberated through her head. "It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters right now is—"

"It matters to me, Thira!" said Shift, louder than she'd ever heard him. He reached towards her before he pulled his hand back and ran it through his hair instead. "I'm trying to understand, but I just—I don't get it! If we mean that much to you, why wouldn't you tell us what was going on? Why would you do this?"

She clenched her fist by her side, looking away. "Because I don't have a choice."

"Don't have a choice?" he said. "That's the biggest excuse I've ever heard. Your Colour gives you more of a choice than anyone."

"I have never had a choice," said Athira, forcing the words out through her teeth. "I'm the strongest person in every room. It's never a matter of if I can do something — only whether I'm willing to. And if I want to stand a chance against Rathe, I have to be willing to do anything."

"So, where's the line?" said Shift, exasperated. "When is something too far? When there's no Sirah left for Rathe to conquer anymore? Why not just destroy it all and be done with it?"

"The line is Zoe," muttered Athira. "Aside from that, I don't know. All I know is that twice in my life, I've failed to act. The first time, I lost Zoe, and the second time..." She trailed off, drawing in a long breath through her nose. "After the second time, I eventually promised myself I'd never just sit there waiting again. That if there was something I could do, I'd do it, regardless of how wrong it was or how much I hated it."

The light from her runes and Shift's glowstick didn't feel like enough anymore to hold back the ever-tightening darkness. Before she'd made any conscious decision to do so, Athira ripped off her mask. She held it in front of her, staring into its reflection for a long moment, trying to force the limited light around her to sink in, to think about anything except how much stone was between her and the sky.