A Storm of Paper Starlings

3. Observers & Observations

"Seriously? I ain't got a brother, Leia."

"You don't actually know that. You could have a brother."

"Nobody's gonna find me," I tell her. "If they were going to, they would've by now. it's not like I've been hiding under a rock, and honestly, I'm over thinking about it."

"Yeah, that's bollocks, Vi," she says, diving straight back into her theory, like she didn't just outright call me out for lying. "I mean, he looks a bit like you. His skin's darker... maybe, but he's got the same shape eyes, and his hair is the same colour, you know, so black it's almost blue."

I raise an eyebrow. "I have blue hair now?"

"Not Marge Simpson blue, but it definitely goes bluish in certain light. Like a blackbird."

"Poetic. How d'you even notice all that? You barely looked at him, he's hardly got any hair, and he left the minute you got here."

"I'm just..." Her fidgety gaze roams the ward.

"Delusional?" I offer.

"Observant," she shoots back. "Speaking of, Si asked about you today. He looked like he was gonna cry when I told him you got hit by a car."

"Don't exaggerate."

I've never seen him do it at school, but Leia insists Si watches me. She calls him the observer.

"And that's not all." She waits a beat, but I don't bother getting excited because I'm more worn out than this tactic. "His dad came in."

"I thought it was just him and his mum," I say, even though I've never seen her either. "So, what did he do this time?"

Leia shrugs. "Tamsin reckons he drew a bullseye on the staffroom roof, but Mr C said Si wasn't in trouble even though he didn't come back until after lunch."

"Probably had a dentist appointment."

"And needed his daddy to hold his hand? I don't think so."

"So, what was he like then?"

She laughs. "He looks like a Victorian pimp. He had a tweed suit on, Vi. Mauve tweed. And a pocket watch. And the pointiest shoes I've ever seen. I asked Si about him, but he said he hasn't got a dad. It was obviously bullshit. They've got the same hair and everything."

"Lots of people have ginger hair, Leia."

"It wasn't just that. It was the way Si said it wasn't his dad that made me sure it was."

Mauve tweed is no more out of place at school than Si is. That's what makes me sure it's his dad.

"You should ask him out," Leia says.

"Si's dad?"

She huffs. "I bet he'd say yes."

"I don't want to ask him out."

"Lies." Leia scoffs. "I have no idea why you like him. He looks like he busted his way out of jail face first and fell in a vat of bleach."

"What did he ever do to you?" I can't deny she's got a point. Si's extra white, always scuffed up, and he's got the most intimidating resting bitch face I've ever seen. But when his smile comes out... ah. I'm so weak.

Even if he was interested, I'd rather just look at him from a safe distance because he unnerves me. I don't even know why. He just feels... intense, like if I picked him up, I wouldn't be able to put him down, and I don't do permanence. Leia aside, people don't stay.

What Leia says about him watching me though? It's true I never noticed it at school, and I should've by now because I watch him a lot—I've made an embarrassing number of drawings to prove it—but I've noticed him watching me at art club.