A Storm of Paper Starlings

30. All Libraries are Not Created Equal (part one)

NOTE: I split this one in two because it was super long and we're into some meaty explanations now.

***

"Daniel?" I know my voice has gone ultrasonic, but I can't make it normal. "That's ridiculous. He's too young."

"Young. Old." Amethyst shrugs. "It's all perception."

I circle them, catching their profiles while they stare each other down, Daniel moments from broken, Amethyst fierce and disturbingly Mara-like. But when they turn to me, their shared green eyes tell me everything she says is true.

"Daniel?"

He looks away.

I want him to say it. "Daniel, is it true?"

"Yeah, it's true." Finally, he looks at me. "I'm your dad."

A snort laugh escapes me, and I don't even know why. None of this is funny.

Eden slumps into a chair, her tears soaking into Magnus' shirt.

"You dumped me." My voice is small with disbelief, my eyes on the rug. "You pretended you found me for Eden, but you're the one who made me lost in the first place. You abandoned me."

"I didn't know what to do," he whispers. "I didn't even know how to feed you. It took minutes to realise my mistake, but when I returned for you... you weren't there. I thought... I thought Sean had you. When I realised he didn't, I figured you'd been adopted, but I never stopped looking."

"I almost was... when I was very young. But it fell through." It feels like I'm talking about someone else until I taste bitterness. "They couldn't cope with my disabilities."

"What disabilities?" he whispers.

"She was born with sensory difficulties," Amethyst answers for me as my mouth just hangs, striving for less spiteful words.

Daniel shakes his head. "What does that mean?"

"I couldn't see or hear," I snap.

His face crumples. "Violet." He lurches forwards, his hands shaking. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Don't touch me. Don't come near me." I tuck my hands into my armpits to stop them shaking.

"I know I cocked everything up, but I never stopped looking." His words tumble out, his face raw and alien. "Once I found you, I had an additional problem. How could I tell you anything? You wouldn't have believed me."

"I guess we'll never know now."

Daniel collapses into a chair and stares at his fidgeting hands. "I didn't know how to bring you up alone. There was no plan for that. We were just kids playing at being grown-ups, but we were in love. We were supposed to bring you up together, a proper family, but Morrigan killed her."

Amethyst hands fly fiercely to her hips. "He did not. He tried to save her."

Daniel stills. "Save her?"

"She was dying," Amethyst says. "He tried to turn her at the last minute. It's all he knew how to do. He's the only reason Violet survived."

Daniel rubs his hands over his hair. "I don't believe it. Fuck, I was gonna kill him. When you were born, Violet, I just... I couldn't look at you."

I'm out the door before anyone realises I've moved. I run upstairs to the empty room next to Glenda's, where nobody will look for me. He blames me. Anger is a dark thing, but I need it to keep away the guilt. Amy died so I could live, and Daniel gave me away because he didn't want to look at me. He didn't want me without her. I took her from him. I took her from Eden. And Adam. I took her and had nothing to give back. Sympathy for Daniel tries to creep in, but I push it back. He threw me away like I was nothing.