Billy loomis x stu macher || one-shots || book four

"I'm so tired"

[Stu's pov]
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I'm so tired of life with each passing day, it's getting harder and harder to get up. All I want to do is lay in my bed and never get up again.

I hate every time my parents agrue, it makes me want to scream at them, I want to tell them to shut up, but I can't, instead I lock myself in my room, covering my ears, and closing my eyes tightly, or I put my headphones and loudly play music as I softly cried.

I pretend I'm happy to please everyone but I'm rotting from the inside, everytime someone looks away, my smile fades,

No one seems to notice or care, I Crack jokes to put a bandaid on my cracking heart, hoping it might help but it seems like nothing can,

All I want to do is go somewhere where there's no pain, and where I can have some peace,

But that's an unachievable dream, I never get what I want, it wasn't fair but no one seems to care,

I spend most of my time in my mind if I'm not hanging out with my friends, it's slightly better in my mind,

But there's a ahce in my heart, that makes me cry, I hate it.

Someone touching my shoulder in a gentle way made me snap out of my thoughts, I look over and saw billy, my sweet boyfriend, looking at me with concern,

"Huh?" Billy softly caressed the side of my face ,"I ask if you were okay? You spaced out," billy asked,

No, I'm not okay! I'm so tired billy and all I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up again, it's what I wanted to say but all that came out was,

"I'm okay billy, just thinking about that stupid test we gotta take later," I told him,

"Hm. I thought you studied?" Billy said, and I shrugged, "I did, but I hate test," was my reply

"Ugh, can you guy's stop being so sweet? I'm trying to eat here," randy said with a small gag,

Billy rolled his eye's, turning to face randy, and I leaned my head on his shoulder, interlocking his hand with mine, as he started to agrue with randy,

Being with Billy makes things slightly better but it wasn't enough, I'm still tired and I think I won't be able to stop being tired,

I know that I'll break Billy's heart, I don't want to, but I know I won't be able to help it.

Billy looks at me like I'm his everything, but I can't be his everything because I'm nothing.

The bell snapped me out my thoughts this time, I let out a small sigh,

I never liked school but it was the only escape that I had.

"Come on doll," billy stood up and I stood up as well, both of us still holding hands,

Sometimes I wonder How billy would turn out if I was never born, I wonder if he would have someone better than me,

The second bell rang, and I noticed that were still outside, behind the school,

I turn to look at billy, who was looking down at the ground, "billy, why aren't we inside? We're late for class already," I told him, and he lifted his head looking at me,

"Stu, you promised me that you would always be honest with me right?" Billy said and I nodded, "yeah, of course, I would never lie to you," I told him,

"See that's a lie stu," he said, reaching his other hand up and caressing the side of my face, and I slightly leaned into his touch,

"You've been lying to me this whole time," he continued, "You're not okay, and I don't know why you don't tell me," he added

My eyes slightly widen, "You're my whole world and I hate seeing you in pain," billy said,

My vision slightly clouded as tears gathered in my eyes, "h-how can I be your whole world when I'm nothing?" I asked,

Billy looked taken back, like I just reached into his chest and ripped his heart out,

"Y-y-" billy cleared his throat, I never heard billy stutter before, "you think your nothing?" His voice sounded so heartbreaking, it would've broken my heart if it wasn't already broken,

"It doesn't matter billy-" I started but billy cut me off, his grip on my hand tighten,

"It doesn't matter? You- you really think it doesn't matter?" Billy said, closing his eye's and taking a deep breath,

"It fucking matters stu,God I love you so fucking much and- and hearing you say that..it..it...it matters stu okay? " Billy told me, a few tears sliding down his face,

"But I don't, so why does it have to matter? " I told him, "because you matter!" I flinch back at Billy's sudden shout,

"Why can't you get that? You matter, you matter to me," billy told me, "because billy, I'm so tired, and I'm so tired that I can't seem to care anymore, I know what I'm worth, I'm worth nothing, why can't you get that?" I replied

Billy just stared at me , and I took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, "I told him, as the Bell rang,

"I'm sorry,"I repeated before walking past him, my heart aching with every step I took,

I'm so tired why can't billy get that?
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Word count - 910

Hope you enjoy

Part two will come soon!