The REPLAY of SKZ: Let's Go Back to Those Times

Chapter 12 - Sam

Hwang Hyunjin. That's the one person I want to scream at. His group member was hyperventilating and crying hysterically, terrified that he and everyone else were going to die, and there Hyunjin was, looking disgusted. He even had the audacity to shift away. That's not only disrespectful, but extremely apathetic and callous. He's gonna wish he has a different future self. And I'm going to make sure he regrets wanting an one-on-one with me. No one should treat another like that. Especially not your younger brother.

I get it, Ji and I have had a rough history, to say the least, but that's just plain immaturity. When someone, anyone, is having a tough time, you help them. You don't act like you want nothing to do with them. I mean, what the fuck? Whether he's biologically me or not, I don't tolerate that kind of behavior. (It honestly embarrasses and pains me to know that I once could have been—was—that).

Not to mention, he's rude to the same person that's in front of me, the Sungie that's curled up contently between me and Bin, gripping the backs of our shirts subconsciously. The Sungie that's managing to snuggle closer to us both, despite us being in opposite directions of each other. The Sungie who is pouting and whining like a cute baby. The Sungie who was shouting and crying with joy, having just as much fun as we were tickling him. The Sungie who is looking at us as we look at him: with familial love. How can anyone hate someone like that? (Though, like me, he's changed a lot. We all have. It's still no excuse.)

I sigh audibly. At present time, well, before I got lost in my thoughts, we were just hanging out. A little bit of time before Young Stray Kids had to figure out how to tell JYP. As of now, Jacob is telling a story.

He's telling one that feels sooner than the day before, but it was actually years ago. When he was with us. While Stray Kids are laughing their heads off at his storytelling skills, we, SKZ, are just smiling. For the most part, it can only be described as bittersweet. We miss him. It feels like only yesterday that we were celebrating our debut together. Nothing can last forever. I... miss him. So much.

Earlier, Yongbok had practically dragged Jake in the BokSeungAh pile. He readily accepted the affection from his beloved dongsaengs. I have no doubt he missed them—us—just as much as we have missed him.

Yongbok probably took it the hardest too, along with Innie. They blamed themselves a lot, sometimes even now, years in the future from when everything went down, since they were the ones "fans" would point out the most as victims. They thought—think—they were the reason he left, that if they did something different, it wouldn't have ever happened.

Really, it was a rough time for all of us. Chris could only fake being happy for so long and so well, I remember every day he would talk to Jacob. Whether that meant calling, FaceTime, voicemail, texting or even emailing him, he managed to get it done. I was impressed by his persistence, I still am. Sometimes he would be resigned, accepting what happened but unable to move forward. He would just ask for guidance or rant and then feel bad because Jake's "going through so much more."

Other days he would beg for Jake to undo leaving the group. He would say that it's not too late, it'll never be too late, and they could get through all the drama together. Jake would never agree, but some days, when Chris was bad, he would promise to think about it. And that's all he did, think about it, entertain the idea. No matter how much he may have wanted to join back, he never did.

Lee Know hid himself by a wall of humor, though he was better than ever at being a tsundere. He would do small acts to showing his love, like making dinner when we were all too upset, wallowing in self-pity or the heartbreak of losing Jake, to do it. Or he would bring extra hand warmers or scarves to outside events for us. He, one of the least physically affectionate of our group, would hold our hands, or let us cuddle with him. He just knew we needed it.