Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 27

  We flip flop POVs three times here, so stay with me.

Holland POV

   "How could I have been so stupid?" I scream, grabbing up one of my dead husband's lacrosse trophies, slinging it against the wall. Another dent in place as it shatters to the floor. "Why did I ever even move here? I had a decent life in West Virginia, a decent job, family surrounding me. Then I come here, have the bare minimum in friends, fall in love, marry to only become a widow, discover I'm pregnant and left behind to deal with an insurmountable debt all on my own! Debt that I didn't even make!" I jerk my head around, finally facing Ari. Ready to let him know something that no one outside of Jeremy knew. It's nothing earth shattering, it won't make a difference to anyone, I'm sure. "Did you know I was completely debt free when we got married. I didn't owe a penny. No credit cards, no student loans, absolutely nothing. And now I'll be leaving my child in debt when I die, because there is no way I will ever be able to pay all of that money back!" There's the smallest moment of relief that sparks in my chest. But it's short lived as I realize the solution I'd discovered, would ultimately cause more heartache now.  "I'm gonna have to sell the house. That's the only way I'll be able to keep it from falling on her shoulders later in life. Damn it! Why the hell were you friends with someone like that? Why didn't you warn me!"

 My hand raises in anger, ready to unleash a hate filled blow to Ari's chest. I know in my heart that he'll take it, knowing that it's not meant for him although he's being used as a punching bag over Jeremy's indiscretions.

  Instead he grabs my arm in mid swing, jerking me closer into him. I feel my chest crash into his hard upper body, my heart racing as his hand slips into my hair, gripping my locks when his lips find their way onto my own. 

  My mind grows fuzzier than I thought possible, racing in a thousand different directions before coming to a screaming halt with the realization that Ari is kissing me. 

  It's not a simple peck, nothing like when he would kiss me on top of my forehead as a sweet and tender goodbye. I don't know how to react, I have absolutely no clue as to whether my heart racing is due to my anger towards Jeremy, or the possible feeling that I'm betraying him. 

  My body calms without my permission, relaxing into Ari's touch as my lips finally begin to move against his. When his lips begin to part, the barely there touch of the tip of his tongue on my lower lip sets off alarm bells through out my mind.

  "No, no. Stop," I mutter, the words from my brain fighting the feelings of  my heart as I push him away, breaking free of his grip. 

  When Ari opens his eyes, it's like watching a film play across his features, realization sinking in of his actions. Our actions. "Shit."

  

Ari POV

  Holland pulls away just as my tongue teases her lip. "No, no. Stop," her words aren't forceful, simple and nearly quiet as she falls out of my grip. 

  I'm reluctant to open my eyes, terrified of what I'll see splayed across her face. But when I do, it's my own that gives me away as I realize what I've just done. "Shit," I deadpan.

  Holland steps further back from me, turning to look around the room, but I  notice her hand reach up to touch her lip and all I want to do is give her something more to think about, more to memorize. I want to replace this  nightmare Jeremy has placed her in. 

  "I, uh, Holland, um, that was-"

  "Uncalled for," she finishes my statement for me, with the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear. 

  I'm so close to calling her out on the fact that her lips moved against mine just as easily as a woman who may  have sought out my own lips. My mouth opens, the words sitting on the tip of my tongue when my pocket vibrates, causing Holland to look back over at me from across the room. I take a step towards her, willing to ignore the interruption until she insists, "You need to get that." I watch her carefully, knowing her wheels are turning, "It could be your son, or your girlfriend."

  I swallow the words down that I'd wanted to say, all the ways I wanted to tell her that I would take care of her, the baby and help her figure out the situation of her debt. 

  She's right though. I have a son, I have a girlfriend. And I was out of line.

  "Holland, I'm sorry. I don't know-"

  She interrupts me, her eyes flashing anger just as she had earlier, a stark contrast from when she pulled away from my embrace. "You just wanted me to shut up about your best friend. Didn't like the way I was bad mouthing him, right?"

  "That's not at all what that was!" My voice grows louder while my pocket continues to vibrate.

  "Oh, so you just took advantage then? Saw a woman you could save from herself?" she questions me, her words pour from her lips as tears fill her eyes. 

  "You've never been a woman for me to save, Holland," I assure her, taking another step. 

  Both of us grow silent, staring at one another, trying to read each other. I'm in a losing battle, because I've never seen her in such a state. I've seen her in a heap on the floor over the death of her husband. I've seen her shouting for joy over her team winning a game. But I've never seen her so angry that if it were possible I'd be six feet under the ground. 

Holland POV

  His expression doesn't match mine filled with anger, but I see a tinge on regret. Whether that be over the fact that he's cheated on his girlfriend or betrayed some unspoken rule between friends, I'm unsure of.  

  I continued to challenge him because I couldn't let the pain in my heart shift from hatred towards the agony Jeremy has placed me in, to the fact that I can't let myself feel anything more than a friendship with Ari. I couldn't let myself imagine a life or family with him, to feel the overwhelming agony as I remind myself that he already has it.

  And when his phone vibrates once more in his hand, I remind him of just that when I see a deeper set of lines between his brow give his regret away. "Answer Lissy, Ari. And go home to your family.