Seasons (Ari AU)

Chapter 41

 Holland POV

   "Do me a favor, and try and get some rest."

  "You forget, Joy. I know how things work on this floor during the night," I giggle, adjusting the baby's monitor on my belly.

  "What if I can promise to move our checks to just every four hours, assuming we don't see anything crazy on our monitors out there?" she offers, genuinely trying to help me out a bit. 

  The floor is rather quiet tonight, only one mother in active labor. Which also means I can hear the tap tap of Ari's dress shoes as he paces the floor just outside of my room. Joy catches my eye, both of us laughing at the state of the man who walked me up here as though I was about to deliver a baby in the middle of the hallway.

  "You all set?" she asks. 

  "Yes, you can let him back in."  

  With just barely the turn of the door handle, Ari is pushing it further out of the way, anxiety screaming through his eyes. 

  "See? I told you. My wheel house, remember?" I joke with Ari once Joy slips back out of the room and he takes her place.  He almost looks too nervous to sit, still wearing his tux jacket and tie. He hasn't even tried to make himself comfortable.

  "Told me what? I don't remember you actually telling me anything more than needing to come to the hospital. Now, what did she say? Are we meeting our girl early?" 

  'Our girl.'

   How can two words simultaneously make my heart soar and break into a thousand pieces? There was no hesitancy on my part, or his, admitting the desire that he was my sweet girl's father. 

  "Ari, sit." He remains standing, his hands on his hips, staring me down as if I just asked him to complete the most ridiculous task. My eyes roll in playful annoyance as his blue eyes continue to stare and blink at me. "The baby is not coming tonight, it's definitely too early."

  The relief that washes over him is completely visible. His hands drop from his hips as he shakes them out at his side, even rolling his neck as well before he's finally slipping off his coat. "So, she's already being a little trouble maker, huh? Not even thirty weeks and she's already playing us. So when can I take you home?"

   My fingers fiddle with a random, non existent, piece of fuzz on the hospital blanket. "Well, ya see. About that-"

  His face becomes emotionless again. Maybe not exactly emotionless, maybe more like agitated. "What do you mean 'about that?' I don't like where this is going, beautiful."  One hand loosens his tie before he's slipping it off complete from his collar. 

  My fingers wave him over, closer to the bed. He drops the tie and coat at the foot of it, settling himself down on the edge of the hospital bed, facing me. "I'm not going to be released tonight."

  "So tomorrow then? I'm not on shift til the evening, so I can run you back home as long as I've got time to change. No worries," he tells me, his hand gently picking up my own, careful of the IV on the back of my hand. 

  "I'm not going to be discharged tomorrow either," I answer tentatively. By the look on his face, he's beginning to catch on. "How long?"  I don't know why I'm so nervous to tell him, the corner of my mouth quickly becoming raw as my teeth continue to chew on the skin. "Until she's born."

  "Until she's born?" he says loudly, completely bewildered by my words. "You're not just on bed rest, but bed rest at the hospital?" I answer what I'm sure was actually a rhetorical question with a nod. "So then, what exactly were you not telling me on the way here?" That shocked tone has slipped away quickly, replacing it with agitation.

  "I felt a leak,-"

  "You said your water didn't break," he interrupts me, reminding me of what I said, but still missing a big part of it.

  "No," I correct him. "I said it didn't break completely. And it didn't. But, I am leaking amniotic fluid so I need to be here where I can be monitored very closely and they can watch the levels and all of that."

  He watches me for a moment, as though he's trying to read whether or not I'm being completely honest with him. My hand reaches up, affectionately caressing his bearded jaw. "Your girl is alright, Ari. I promise."

  He nuzzles closer to my hand before turning his head completely, gripping my wrist and placing a chaste kiss to the center of my palm.  "No, you're wrong. You should've said your GIRLS are alright."  Still holding tightly to my wrist he lays my hand over his heart, the material of his vest cool against my skin. "The two of you are mine, Holland. No ifs, ands, or buts about it."

   My heart aches at seeing his admission, so many questions still swirling between us, answers that need to be given to more than just the two of us. "Ari," I whisper.

  He shakes his head, pressing my hand tighter to his chest. "Not right now, beautiful. Please. I just want to be here with you and Evy. Alright?"

  I sigh in defeat, willing to give him all the time he wants in this tiny hospital room bubble, knowing that when he steps out of it his reality will be screaming back at him. "Alright," I agree. 

  Ari stands up, slipping the black vest off. He unbuttons the collar and sleeves, rolling them up to mid forearm. "At least you don't have to sleep in the chair this time," I tell him, pointing over to the seat my the window that converts into a small bed.

  He toes off his dress shoes and grabs a chair by  its back. "The chair does just fine," he tells me, setting it up beside the bed. "I'm too far away from you if I use that thing."  His eyes sparkle when he looks back at me. "I just got you, Holland. Please don't push me away this time." His eyes tell me he's being a bit playful, but there's a sense of fear in his words. 

  I desperately want to tell him that if anyone is going to push or pull away, it will be the one who has an already established family, one that's growing in just a couple of months. I want to ask him what does all of this mean, knowing that I am not willing to be a side piece to Lissy. I want to remind him that he has a fiancée and a son that are waiting for him to come home. 

  Instead, I give him the only promise I know he needs to hear. "I'm not going to push you away, Ari." 

 But, I'm also not dumb enough to hold onto you too tight, I think to myself.