Iced Gingerbread

Chapter 2

In Splash Mountain, Patty Duke was waxing her own neck. 

Burt Ward came by and noticed.

"Hi, Patty. What are you up to?" he said.

"Like hi, Burt. I'm just giving myself a wax. I don't want Jeremy to see me with a hairy neck" said Patty.

"Holy peach fuzz" Burt mumbled.

Brer Fox then strutted over wearing black and red gloves.

"Howdy, fellas. Notice anyting diff'rent bout me?" he said.

"You got taller?" Patty guessed.

"Nope! Foxes uzhe-ly stop growin' heeah. But I wuz speakin' o' deez gluvs dat Brer Chad an' Brer Jeremy got me fo' de Splahin' Buddies gift exchange" said Brer Fox.

"Cuckoo! Now you can touch the thorns in the Briar Patch without bursting into tears!" said Patty.

"Exactly! And save ma teahs fo wen Brer Rabbit escapes" said Brer Fox before leaving. 

Burt faced Patty and said "Gosh. I forgot all about the gift exchange. Brer Rabbit said it's how the residents of Splash Mountain show appreciation for their best friends."

"Then why don't we do it. I know exactly what I'm getting you!" said Patty.

"And so the gift really comes from the heart, I say we can't spend any money" said Burt.

"Okay, I have no idea what I'm getting you" said Patty awkwardly. 

In the woods, the rest of them had just taken a drink from the old man's garden hose.

"Right then. We're hydrated and we know where we're going. Let's get back to the mountain" said Chad.

He started to head in the direction of the cliff, but Jeremy pulled him back.

"Wrong way, Indiana Jones" he said.

"Guys. I haff ter go ter de baffroom" said Brer Bear.

"Pick a tree. Any tree" said Brer Rabbit.

"No way! I needs pra-vissy. I can't go unless I's alone. In a locked room. Wiff de lights off" said Brer Bear.

"Ugh! Thank you for that mental picture" Chad groaned.

"I can't hold it. I has ter ask dat old man if I can use his potty" said Brer Bear.

"Brer Bear..." Jeremy stuttered.

Brer Bear knocked on the door again and the old man answered looking angrier.

"What now?!"

"I hopes de light's off in yo' baffroom. Cuz I's goin' in!" said Brer Bear running into the cabin.

"Oh dearie me..." Jeremy mumbled.

Then he approached the old man and said out loud, "I hate to intrude, but Chad here and I are responsible for that bear. Mind if we wait for him inside?"

"Fine. But he'd better not touch my decorative soaps!" said the old man.

"It's Brer Bear. Your soap is safe" Jeremy promised.

The old man then let the others into his cabin.

"So. Are you new here? I could show you around" said Chad.

"No he can't" Brer Rabbit sassed.

Jeremy awkwardly cleared his throat. "What are you doing in these parts?"

"Tryin' to avoid annoying youngsters. It's not going very well" said the old man. 

Chad backed away fearfully and said "Hurry up, Brer Bear!"

Brer Bear came out of the bathroom and grinned at the old man.

"Why are you staring at me, bear? What did you do in there?!" said the old man.

"Nothin!" said Brer Bear.

Chad pulled him away saying "We'll be leaving now."

"De doe's raht behond ya, Brer Chad" said Brer Rabbit.

"I know!" Chad snapped.

The guys left the cabin and stopped at the bottom of the porch.

"Fellas. I has some'in ter tell ya 'bout dat old man" said Brer Bear.

"Anythin' you learned 'about him in de baffroom, I dunt wanna know!" said Brer Rabbit. 

"He's jolly old Saint Nick. Father Christmas. Santy Claus" said Brer Bear.

Jeremy scoffed in disbelief. "Oh, for goodness sake, Brer Bear. This is why we don't eat maps. The ink id messing with your brain.