I'm still alive.
Incase anyone is wondering...
After crying myself to sleep, I woke up and decided I shouldn't give a fuck if he read that notebook cus he was there too and he knows everything I wrote in there is fucken true. He was being a little shit to Marcus and he was talking to a bunch of different girls that night while seducing me in the process.
But those other details... like me snooping through his phone and deleting his msgs, not so much lmao.
What's he gonna do about it now?? its not like it matters anymore.. and lets not pretend like he doesn't have those other images permantly engraved in his mind. Cus I can still fucken see it all these years later.. including the ones I deleted.
I assume he stopped reading when I reached the part where we went back to my house.. because I said so. Because I'm gonna pretend that he got tired of reading my bullshit and he fell asleep.
Nobody will convince me he stayed up late and read allllll those pages. Nobody. He read 2 or 3 pages.. got bored and went right to sleep. The end..
I got rid of it. It's in storage now with the rest of the bullshit. Let's hope I don't kick the bucket anytime soon and yall end up hearing a live reading on storage wars. I would seriously come back from the dead just to die from the embarrassment.
But we're not gonna do that. We're stronger than that. Atleast that's what I'm gonna keep telling myself.
I'm so mad about it tho... mad at myself for not checking the room again but I didn't bother after Victor said he would stay with Julian in Matthew's room. I was not expecting anymore company. You know what, I'm done talking about it. I'm not going to focus on that anymore because it's stressing me out.. & we're not trying to stress here.
So anyway, we're moving this along... im pretty sure I have a stalker guys. And I'm pretty sure that stalker is romis ex.. hes been stalking me all fucken day or atleast stalking my house. I kept seeing the same car pass by several times today.
And they slow down just a bit when they pass in front of my house. I only noticed it cus I left the shutters open and I kept noticing the same white car drive by. Figured they were lost but the same car passed 2 hours later.. and then again before I left upstairs to go to sleep.
Get a fucken life lmao.
If I didn't have to get some sleep, I wouldve set up a chair on my front lawn and waved everytime they passed.. but i got somewhat of a life.
The boys woke me up around 530.. started getting ready for work and left the house by 615.
I got a text from Tommy just after 9pm.
He said cps took the kids.. & they set a court date to discuss custody. He'll let me know what they decide.
Yall think I replied?
I didn't lmao. I couldn't.
I kept thinking about him possibly reading past page two and decided I didn't wanna live anymore.
I left him on read. Fuck it. I did that shit last time too.. he can't say anything to me about it. He won't. I handed the kids over to him like I said I would, my job here is done.
This is where I walk away.
I'm gonna pretend like it never happened.
But then I found babycakes' pacifier by my nightstand and I got all in my feelings.. it fucken happened.
I cant stop thinking about them. I can't help it.. I'm too involved now to pretend like it never happened. Its a sad situation. I hated the idea of these kids being separated or spending the rest of their lives in foster care. I was hoping Tommy would fight for them but I understand why it might not be possible.
