Wishing on Dandelions

Chapter 8

We went to sonic and ordered the popcorn chicken and Oreo Blasters. As weird as everything is right, I was surprised by how well our conversation flowed. Soon, Adam started leaning toward me with his eyes closed and his lips slightly puckered. Holy.....okay, wait, can spirits kiss? Well, I hugged him earlier while in spirit form so I guess so. Okay...here we go.

I lean in, closing the few inches between us, it starts out gentle then gets harder and more intense. We finally pull back out of breath. I can feel my cheeks redden and my lips feel on fire, but in a good way. He blushes and shyly looks away. I hear him murmur "wow."

"Sorry, I know I sucked, that was my first."

"Are you serious? Jolene, you were insanely good."

"Really? Cool. So.....what now?"

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Adam, I'm a ghost for crying out loud, I'm going to die very soon, I have only a ten percent chance of living. We should just end this whole thing now."

I see tears well up in his eyes and he turns the car on and starts driving, "fine, I'll take you home then."

He doesn't say anything after that, not even after, I leave his car. I know I hurt him but this is for the best. Best he gets over me now before I die. I do feel like my hurt broke a little when I said that though. I didn't realize it was possible for someone like me to ever care for or love anyone but I think....I love Adam. I don't know when it happened but it did, maybe I always knew it and covered it up from myself but now I can't hide it. This new realization brings tears to my eyes, I get out my keys and open the door, making sure no neighbors see it open, Adam drives off so fast it leaves tire marks on the pavement. I hurry up to my room and I fall onto my bed, turning into a pile of tears. I never really loved anyone, my mom didn't really give me reason to love her, I have no other family but her and no friends. I feel dead inside and try to make the tears stop falling. Crying is weakness Jolene, you are not weak. Stop it. Nothing works, the tears keep streaming and I start trembling uncontrollably. I cry myself to sleep.

***

I wake up, wondering how it was possible that I fell asleep, aren't I a spirit? Spirits don't sleep, do they? I start thinking of Adam and how much it still hurts. I really want to be with him but I don't want to die and leave the only person I have ever cared about crying over me, if I leave him now, it won't hurt as much when I die. My stomach grumbles, another surprising thing- I still get hungry. I go to the kitchen and eat some mac n cheese. My mom still isn't home. I wonder if she is still at the hospital or off somewhere smoking crack. Probably the second, I'm fooling myself for thinking she actually cares. No way, that'll never happen. Soon she'll realize life without me equals more fun. I can't stop thinking of Adam and for some reason, this leads to me going to his house, he lives a few streets over. What if he sees me? Crap, why don't you think Jolene? Why am I even going to his house? I'm not going to talk to him, so am I just oddly looking at his house hoping it will tell me what is he thinking? I arrive at his house before I come to my senses, it's a two story and I look up at the top-level windows and see Adam absent-mindly staring out the window. Suddenly he sees me, crap. I start bolting down the street and soon I hear the sound of a door closing, he's coming after me.