Mirror in Front of Me

I thought
That in middle school,that being absolutely perfect in every shape and form was what everybody strived for

I don't know
If it was just childhood nativity or just my insecurities, but it always seemed to me that they were flawless
In style, looks, talent, and personality.

And then it was just me
Swimming in a pond of confusion still new yet not so new
Well I mean people knew me
I was either the good drawer or the girl who smelt like fish.

And I guess
From then on I tried to achieve this "perfection"
That I had created in my mind.

I spent the next three years of middle school, doing what people wanted In order to make them happy, always smiling even though it hurt inside.

Eventually I met my best friend
One of the first people I've ever let inside

And from then on
I rode through middle school
Trying to be the best version of me

High school, 9th Grade,
I could say I was still finding myself.
It was the first time I remember being surrounded by so many new and different personalities and faces

I was so used to putting people into boxes:
Rude, Nice, Friendly, Creative, etc
I soon found out, that a concept,a misconception, like that didn't really exist

I held my head high
Bragging about things that didn't matter
No one cared about the past
They wanted the now you.
The problem was that I didn't know how to be that.

That year ended and now I'm in 10th
I can honestly say that
I'm more happier
More free
More me

I've met so many people
From my bus driver
To my friends
And my family
They've all taught me that its okay to be unpretty.

I just need to put myself first
And fly

I'm still getting their
In accepting myself for who I am
Eventually getting to the 100% or (98%) of me I want people to know

A friend told me that I was a locked diary
I want to make it my goal that I can be unlocked.

I'm done looking at the mirror in front of me.

It's time for me to be a wrecking ball.