Silent Emily

New Years

I made my way down the stairs.

This morning was different, Axel was sitting at the table with his head in his hand. I walked over to him, placing my hands on his shoulders and gently massaging.

New Year's Eve was tomorrow and I had an idea of what might be bothering him.

"What's wrong?" I asked, my fingers kneading his muscles. Axel let out a pleased groan, leaning into in my hands. His head fell back as he smiled up at me.

"I have to go out tonight." He said.

Something cold raced up my spine as his head dropped pulled back up. Another small moan left his lips as he moved beneath my touch.

"It's a special holiday. We need a special meal."

I felt the words in my throat, fighting to get out as they scratched against my esophagus. I forced my fingers to keep moving. My stomach felt as if a million butterflies were trapped inside it.

No, not butterflies.

Wasps.

They beat against my skin, flew around my intestines and attempted to break open my womb to get to my unborn.

"Do we really need to?" I asked, unable to stop myself. Axel stood abruptly, my hands falling into the air as he snapped his body toward me.

"What kind of question is that, Emily?" His voice was stern, scary. "You know we need to have a special meal for the holiday. It's written in my blood. The kid's blood. Our child's blood."

Goosebumps raced up and down my arms as I forced myself to swallow whatever scream was trying to run out of me.

Our child.

The words hung in the air. I hated the idea of my child growing up here. Atticus was bad enough, raising that sweet boy in this hell hole.

"I-I'm sorry." I stuttered. "I didn't mean to say it."

Axel's arms grabbed my wrists with a quickness, his grasp tightening as I softly cried out. I hated to alarm the children. Ethan and Felix always waiting around the corner for any small stroke of violence to happen.

They loved it.

I hated it.

I apologized over and over as Axel's eyes bore into mine. I felt as if he were searching my soul.

He dropped my hands as I brought my wrists up to my chest. The one he had broke forever ago stung, a small sharp pain sliding down my flesh.

"I'm going out this evening, Emily. That's final."

I turned away, busying myself with wiping the counters off as he moved until he was behind me. His body pressed up against mine as he placed his lips on my cheek.

"When I get back you will be helping with it."

~

Axel left a few hours later, piling into his car with nothing more than a small bag of unknown stuff. The kids complained about hunger again, begging me to make something small.

My wrist still hurt and I found myself zoning out rubbing it. The bruises were pretty much faded but it stuck to the side like a bent spoon.

The kids and I sat in the living room, piled on the couch as we all did our separate activities to keep our minds off our growling stomachs.

The fridge and freezer were full of meat. Chicken and cow and pig. Goat's milk was great for the morning cereal, Felix milked the female every morning. I could've made something small for everyone but my gut fought with my brain, telling me no.