Teh Scawwiest Story EVERRRR

A new era

In a world

Where kids are squids

And the Illuminati is dying

It is up to one man

And his 6373628 kids

To stop a trashcan from eating his doorknobs.

The story begins with our young hero at a telephone stand, trying to call one of his millions of children, pikl jikl. Mr. Jikl answered the phone. "Hey dad, what's up?"
"Hello son. There is something I need to talk to you about."
"Oh? What is it?"
"Well, the thing is, a McDonalds worker broke your favorite lamp. Not only that, but a dragon dildo salesman decided to set our house on fire and now my dick has went inside out."
Pikl Jikl had heard enough. He jumped off the Twin Towers and landed safely on the ground because there aren't any twin towers anymore. While pondering what to do next, a hooker swam up to him and put a paper bag over him. He woke up in a puddle of liquid nitrogen.
"What in the name of my aunt's clown dick is this shit?"
He was so angry that a vain popped and he died. Just then, a new voice was heard.
"Oh no you don't, you inverted dick weed"
He brought him back to life using the sweat that accumulated under his tits. Pikl Jikl woke up and survayed the room, then made eye contact with the man.
"htsjixtdfhYTXIGJHFJFHJKBGBFKVVKVH?
"Yep."
He then tore off his dick and used it as a lasso so he could grab Jickl and throw him into oblivion. But, instead, he accidentally threw him 147 feet away, landing him into a penguin pavilion. He got up and started to fiddle with some chicken nuggets he got at the water park. This deeply offended the Jewish penguins and they started tea bagging him. He was suffocating. He had to find a way out of there fast. He took out a 2 liter bottle of gasoline. Jikl promised only to use this during an emergency, so now was the time to use it. He downed the gasoline as quickly as he could and proppeled himself into the sky using his anus as a rocket. Mission successful. He propelled himself out of the stratosphere to mars. There he found a small turd. He instestigated the turd. It smelled like a turd.maybe because it was a turd. He put the turn in his pocket and set in his journey to find his dad who should've been the main protagonist in the first place. Then he found him. Yay. His dad spanked him for having a turd in his pocket. Because of this he felt neglected. He took a walk in a nearby park to calm down. It was raining bagels. He grabbed one and took a bite. It was disgusting. He buried it then pissed in the grass. That angered said grass, and the entire earth started to rumble. All of the grass in the world toppled over him. How will he survive this? Find out in 7 months when I post the next chapter of this shitty story!