The Golden Ring • ChanBaek | ENG

[CHAPTER 089]

        Time passed very quickly, we didn't even notice but only a week separated us from the summer trip. Just like in January when we went to the mountins, the school goes to the beach, and I don't think it's surprising that our class is very excited, because we got Chanyeol as our tour teacher again.

The teacher that is dedicated to us doesn't want to deal with us, I mean I understand him, we are a pretty annoying bunch.

A lot of graduating students are really angry, because the way they scheduled it, they have their tests on the same week as the trip is, so they can't come.

Seunghyun was very lucky, he already did the tests, (and although he doesn't know the results yet, he said it went quite well for him) so he was allowed to come to the trip.

Kibum is completely freaking out, because as soon as these two weeks are up, Seung is moving to London. I've never seen my best friend so hysterical, he was always grumbling, mumbling to himself - which was damn scary - and he at least cried twice a day. He was completely attached to his boyfriend, he didn't want to let him go for a second.

But it was obvious how much Seung was struggling as well, he is also not happy that he has to leave his lover here, but at least he doesn't whine about it, since in a year they will live together again, and until then Kibum can visit him during each break if he wants to.

I'm still the one who should be upset because I'm going to "lose" two of my friends. If they get what they want, they will be busy. I know this is a big chance to finally stop relying on Kibum so much, but it still hurts me.

My relationship with Yeol is going quite well, we usually don't fight, although we could feel the tension between us. Every time we end up in bed and we're almost there to finally do it, I panic and push him away.

He said he understood, but I knew how annoyed he was by my constant refusals.

What else could I do? I trust him, but the fear is too great. No matter how many times I make up my mind, I back out of the situation.

It's not at all that I don't want him, I can't even describe how much I want him to have me, I just need to be sure of a few more things, but I feel that the goal is not far away!

Right now, wasting my time at my best friend's house, because Seung and Kibum invited me to have dinner with them, which I gladly accepted, since the blondie cooks divinely, and I didn't feel like eating instant food.

Seunghyun left not long ago because these two idiots wanted to drink wine and they just happened to not have any, so he offered to go and buy some.

"Hey, Kibum," I put my elbows on the table, pushing aside the empty, almost licked clean plate... I was hungry, okay?

"Sup'?" he poured himself some coke and started sipping the liquid while looking at me.

"Can you.. tell me how it feels to have sex for the first time?"

"What about you and your constant questions about sex?" he frowned. "I already told you, look it up on the internet," he rolled his eyes.

"Come on! I trust you more than the internet, please~!" I blinked at him sweetly.

"Okay, fine! Which one are you curious about? When do you fuck someone or get fucked?" he drops his chin in his palm wearily.

"I wan- wait a second, how would you know how it feels to fuck someone?"

"How could I not know? I have a dick too you know.."

"And.. well.. who did you-? Do I know them?"

"Do you remember when I told you how I know Taeyeon and why I hate her? And that she was in love with me..."

"Whoa, did you-? Oh my god, WHAT?!" I paled, to which he laughs and starts nodding. "But you're gay! How-? And why-? Where was your brain at that moment?!"

"I was young and curious, it was worth a try, but I do know one thing, I never want to see a pussy again.." he grimaces. Jesus..

"That's all great, Kibum.. I'm more interested in the receiving part."

"So you are a bottom! Then I don't understand why you didn't want to use the cute little dildo I gave you.." he grins, and I blush. "Oh... I know that face... You did put it up your ass, didn't you? Ah, Baekkie, I'm so proud of you," he wiped away a non-existent tear.

"Don't divert the topic," I mumbled in embarrassment.

"Okay, so.. the first time.. Well, it hurts, but it matters a lot what the other person is like, whether they pay attention to you or not.."

"How was it for you?"

His face changes in seconds.

Oh shit.. did he lose his virginity to that guy he never tells me about?

A painful and bitter smile appears on his lips, his eyes glisten with suffering.

"It was good," he took a long breath. "No, it was amazing. He was very careful the whole time, making sure he wasn't going to hurt me," tears started rolling down his face, which made me panic. I hate it when he cries because of that man. "Ugh, sorry.." he starts to wipe his face. "The point is, never give yourself to someone you don't know well enough," he sniffled. "I maybe can say, that my first time was amazing, but I deeply regretted giving it to him."

"Who was 'he?' Bummie? What did he do to you?"

"Nothing good," he blinked frequently. "Let's not talk about him, okay? It just brings back bad memories."

"Thank you for telling me at least that much, it means a lot to me."

"It's hard for me to even mention him.. It's been over two years and I still have nightmares about him sometimes..."

"Does Seunghyun know?"

"No," he shook his head. "I've never told anyone the whole story yet.. and I won't for a long time.."

"I understand you completely," I nodded.

I would have said something else, but Seunghyun chose this moment to come back from shopping with a bag full of alcohol in both hands..

The cold and oppressive feeling disappeared from the room and was replaced by a good mood.

Whatever happened to Kibum in the past, I know he's in good hands now and I'm glad he's so happy.