The Golden Ring • ChanBaek | ENG

[CHAPTER 2. 037]

           Staring at the ceiling, I tossed one of Lianna's balls up, and my white kitty was laying on my chest, curiously watching what I was doing.

I'm just stressing...thinking, getting excited...I have no idea. A lot of things have been going through my mind since I wrote everything out and sent it to Baekhyun.

It's been about a week now and I'm dying because he hasn't written anything back yet. Everything has already crossed my mind..literally everything, even the worst, darkest things.

He simply deleted my message..

He saw it, he read it, he didn't care.

Maybe because of the pain he felt, he ended his life.. well!

Like I said, I've thought about all the outcomes, but I'm trying to keep things positive.

Seunghyun hasn't read it yet, not because he doesn't want to, he just hasn't had the time yet. He was needed to take photos for a magazine, so he's almost never at home.. it's not like we can talk about anything.

Since I moved in with him, I had to notice how much our relationship had changed. I still don't have a job, I still don't know what I want to do, while Seung is already doing his dream job, he seems happy.

However, I feel that I no longer belong in his life.

Somehow things don't work between us like they used to, but it's neither of our fault.

Looking at my kitty, I pouted, turned the ball in my hand, waved it in front of her, and when she noticed, I gently threw it and Lianna ran after it.

I smiled at her playfulness and was about to turn back to continue staring at the ceiling, but I was startled by the single ringing of my phone.

Making a pained sound, I reached for my mobile phone resting on the bedside table, my heart immediately started beating faster.

I don't know why I thought I was going to get a message on email from Baek, but apparently he didn't delete my phone number.

I clicked on his text and it didn't take a second for my eyes to get wet.

"Visit me."

That's all he wrote, two words, but... it makes me incredibly happy. He wants to see me, which means I haven't lost my best friend!

I bit my lip looking at the time.. Seunghyun will be home soon. I'm going to start to cook, and when he gets home I'll ask him to read my past... then I'll tell him the good news and.. and only after that should we talk about our relationship...

|| x ||

Stepping out onto the small balcony, I pulled the box out. I know Seunghyun doesn't smoke as much as he used to, but he always keeps at least one pack in his apartment.

He'll finish reading soon, that's why I left him alone, I don't want to see what kind of face he'll have when he realizes what kind of person I really am.

I totally understand if he judges me because I'm disgusted with myself. Exhaling loudly, I put the box down on the small table and instead took the glass of wine in my hand and started sipping the liquid, looking down at the people.

I don't know exactly how much time passed, but when I heard footsteps behind me, I didn't say anything until Seunghyun stood next to me and leaned on the railing.

I looked at his face in fear and was surprised that I didn't see any disgust on him.. Although what did I expect? Did I believe that a sweet person like him would really be able to judge me, no matter how unacceptable my behavior was in the past?

Or is it just me, deep down, I want him to have negative feelings towards me, because no matter how much I think about it, our relationship is already...

"Baekhyun texted me," I said it quietly, sipping my alcohol again. "He would like me to visit him."

"That's good, isn't it? You don't look happy," he frowned.

I furrowed my brows, put down the already empty glass and elbowed the railing with my left hand.

"I... I'm moving back to Seoul," I muttered. Seung was not at all surprised by my statement, according to this he feels the same. " After we started dating and slowly opened up to each other, you already knew how broken I was, right?"

"Yeah, I.. had a hunch, yes," he sighed.

"But you didn't even ask about it, you knew how screwed up I was, you let me tell you when I was ready. But that made me act selfish. I wanted to chain you to myself, I made myself believe that I would die if you left me. When you broke up with me that summer, I didn't want to accept it, I didn't want to face the fact that I should have let you go, and for that I want to apologize..."

"Well... I behaved selfishly too. I love you too much and I didn't want you to belong to anyone else regardless of the fact that I never... that I'm-"

"You're asexual," I finished his sentence for him. "We're idiots, aren't we? Our feelings for each other blinded us from reality," I placed my palm on his cheek. "Thank you for putting up with me so far... thank you for always listening to me, I'm grateful for showing me what an honest, pure love looks like," I smiled. "But I need more than that," I dropped my hand.

"Hm," he nodded. "I hope you'll see yourself as strong as I see you. You went through terrible things and you still didn't give up on love. There's nothing to thank me for, Kibum," he shook his head, tears began to roll down his face, which moved me too. "Be proud of yourself for standing up, for continuing to gift people with your wonderful smile. Because you always stood by Baekhyun as the best friend in the world, even if you didn't agree on everything. And because love never left your heart. And for that you needed an incredible amount of strength. I should be the one to thank, for showing me that you shouldn't give up even after all the bad things," he wiped his wet face.

"... You're very good at making me cry," I laughed snorting, then playfully pushed him, which made him laugh too.

It's a real relief that there is peace between us.. no matter how much it hurts, we have to let each other go before we cause pain.

"When are you going back to Seoul?"

"My plane leaves in the morning, so I should pack."

"Want me to help?"

"That would be good," I nodded.

"Then it's better if we start now, with the amount of stuff you have, this could drag on forever."

"Hey," I slapped his arm.

"You know I'm right," he grinned knowingly as he backed into the room and I followed him with an eye roll..

Because yes, he is absolutely right.

|| x ||

Choi Seunghyun was a part of my life for almost two years and even if that doesn't seem like much, I will always look back on him with happinnes. I have loved him with each and every one of my portion, and I will always love him, even if our relationship ends completely.

I hope he finds someone like him and can finally be completely happy. He has a good place here in London, but I belong in Seoul.

And I'm going back not only because Baekhyun wants to meet me, and not because my relationship with Seunghyun is over, but also... to finally find who I really am.

To find the path I want to walk without regrets.