The Golden Ring • ChanBaek | ENG

[CHAPTER 2. 040]

         I wanted this to go smoothly between us if he ran here so quickly because, according to Mr. Kim, he didn't want to lose me, even though he already left me once..

I wanted to shout his head off right as I let him back into the apartment, but I successfully restrained myself, I'm an adult now, I can't act like a little hormonal teenager.

I put the steaming teas on the table and sat down on the chair I brought out of my room, there's no way I'm sitting down next to him on my couch.

Putting aside all my hatred, all my weakness and fear, I watched as he lifted the mug to himself with trembling hands. Is he cold? But it's summer, and though it's night time, it's not cold. Is he afraid then?

Hah, what would he be so scared of?

Why do I even care... Why does it seem like I haven't seen him in over half a year, when it's only been two months.

I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss him. And did he really miss me and what I could offer? Did he regret the way he handled things between the two of us?

Glancing at his face, I furrowed my brows. He looks tired, there are circles under his eyes, the posture of his body also suggests that he is sleepy.

Shaking my head barely visible, I removed the hair tie from my curls, letting my long hair spread down my back.

I leaned against the chair, crossed my legs and arms, waiting for him to finally start talking. After all, I have nothing to say and I have no explanation for him.

"Baekhyun.." he put the mug back on the table and looked straight into my eyes.. I've never seen him so lost.

"I'm sorry," he muttered. "I'm so sorry that-" he suddenly stopped what he was saying, bit his lip and started to blink violently. "You didn't deserve to be left alone with a simple text. And if you can't forgive me, at least I want you to understand, it wasn't easy for me either."

"HUH?! Chanyeol, I was the one you always pushed aside when the time wasn't right! Your wife just had to breath air, you were ready to run to her as a good dog. No matter how many times you were with me while you were fucking me, you never took off that stupid ring.. An then... On the last day, when you knew how much this all meant to me, you pretended to get rid of it. And the next day... neither you nor the ring were there. You left me like nothing happened and you want me to understand? Ridiculous.." I rolled my eyes. "I would have been able to give you everything, I would have been able to accept your little girl as well, but no. You wanted to do everything on your own. Do you want understanding? You won't get that from me. I'm over you, I'm with someone else," I pointed to the obvious hickeys on my neck that Jaebum left on me.

"If I had known what Dara was doing behind my back, I would never have tried to fix the relationship between us, but I had to try for Haru. Baekhyun, I loved you so much... I still love you the same way..."

"You love me? You didn't want to admit this much earlier, like I don't know, when I slept with you for the first time? Do you have any idea how many times I wanted to hear these three words from you?

"It's not so-"

"So simple, huh? Nothing is! You can't use this excuse every time you screw up!" I stood up and walked in front of him.

I grabbed his chin and lifted his face up. I wanted to be tough with him, because it's clear that we can't discuss anything that was between us... well, it's really over for us I guess.

But as our eyes locked, my heart started pounding, the part of me that still loved this man, wanted him back.

The part of me that he saved, the walls that he knocked down around me... The disgust I felt before he entered my life... it's gone.. I don't how and why, but it is, and he was the reason. He healed me.

"It wasn't easy for me either.. " I stroked his lips. "I threw myself into the pain, I felt like I had lost something very important. Why did not you tell me? Why couldn't you tell me to my face that you had no choice? Maybe I could have helped, but instead you deprived me of all opportunities," I leaned so close to him that our foreheads touched. I closed my eyes as I felt his palm on the back of my head.

"You're absolutely right about everything, I was a coward, I ran away and I don't deserve anything except for you to scream at me as long as you can," he started playing with my curls, which made my whole body shake. "I made a mistake and I feel terrible about it."

"Chanyeol," I backed away, but still stayed close to him. " What do you want from me?," I asked the question.

We could talk for hours about how much we messed up in the past, he could apologize a million times, kneel down on the ground, it would only confuse you more.

"A chance."

"For what?"

"To start over again."

"How do I know you won't leave me again for your woman?"

Chanyeol took his hand from the back of my head and raised it in front of me, moving his empty finger.

"Sandara cheated on me just like I cheated on her. I thought that if I left you and tried to fix what we had ruined, we could be a normal family again. Instead, we argued even more. Even though Haru is just six years old, she begged me to leave her mom," he dropped his arm. "My own daughter asked us to run away from there, which I couldn't do."

"Yeol.. " I frowned as his eyes welled up.

"I was never proud that I wasn't the one who supported our family. Dara owns the house we lived in, she owns the car I used. She filed for divorce and I can't see my daughter more than once a month.. Jessi, Sehun, Nam.. the others are all trying to keep me strong, but I.. everyone knows that I need you and-"

"Hey," I immediately sat on his lap as he started to cry. I've never seen him so broken. I've never heard him sob like this.

So, by trying to fix his life, he ended up losing everything?

How could I even allow myself to be angry with him after all this?

What would be the point if both of us are already suffering?

I hugged him tightly, letting my long hair cover both of us, and for some reason, for an incomprehensible reason, I cried with Yeol.

Confusion, the feeling of loss, the love and hate I feel for him, everything happened so suddenly that I can't do anything else but shed tears...