Paralyzed love

chapter four

She gazes over at me and smiles, I smile back. We don't talk much, we just watch TV but if feels nice to have company from someone other then my mum. Although I love my mum, it feels nice to have someone I can actually talk to, that's if I work up the courage to start a conversation with her, because right now I don't know what to say. I haven't left this hospital bed for months so I don't really know what's going on in the outside world.

"Would it hurt if I touch your cast?". Avangelene looks over and stares at my cast, which has writing and get well wishes written all over it. She begins to read some of the messages on my cast.
"No it wouldn't hurt if you touch it I can't feel a thing in my arm".
"So I can touch it?".
"Sure I don't mind ". She sits down on my bed and takes my arm and places it on her leg. She reads the different messages all written on my arm.

My fingers stick out at the end of the cast so she begins to play with them and trys to hold my hand. "How old are you Jake?".
"16 why?".
"Just wondering". She smiles."I'm 14, I understand if you don't wanna be friends with a 14 year old".
"No it's fine I wouldn't mind, it would be nice to talk to someone who is around my age". She smiles and touches my thumb, I smile but inside I feel ashamed because I don't want to let her into my life and to become friends with me and then me pushing her away, I do that to everyone who comes close to me. I prefer to be alone and free and not have a care in the world. But I'm happy that she wants to spend time with me even though I'm really not good company.

She smiles again but this time her eyes begin to drop a little bit and her smile becomes smaller. But she still trys to look happy but I can clearly tell something is wrong because she hasn't smiled like this since we started talking. "What's wrong?".
"Nothing, nothings wrong ". Her smile widens and she looks happier. I think that it's better off me not asking again in case I upset her, her eyes begin to wonder away, she stares at an elderly person sleeping in a bed across the room. The person looks helpless and he's just laying there sleeping well at least I think he's sleeping. She waves at the man, he turns and looks at her (thank god he's alive) he smiles. "Who is that?". I ask.
"He's my grandad, he's not very well that's why I'm helping out around here so I can stay close to him and watch him".
"That's really sweet of you, I'm sure he appreciates it".

Suddenly Avangelene water starts pouring out her eyes, she bursts into tears.
"I'm so sorry I hope I haven't upset you I didn't mean you see I don't know what I'm saying sometimes ".
She wipes her eyes, "No it's not you". Before she could finish what shes saying she starts to cry more. I wish I could just hold her and tell her everything will be okay but I can't and I hate myself for that. She looks down at me. "Could I hug you? I understand if you don't want me to but in really would just like you to hug me and I know you can't and I'm sorry I'm just going to shut up". She crys a little more.
" No it's fine come here but you know I can't move a bone in my body so I can't hug you back".
"I know I would just like to hug someone ". She sits on my bed and lays down next to me and wraps her arms around me, I feel so weak and helpless I wish I could just hug her back. She lays with her head on my chest and arms around me. "Jake I feel like we could be good friends because I know I don't know you but I feel like I could tell you anything ". She begins to stop crying and she looks down at her watch. "I have to go Jake ill be back tomorrow ". she jumps off the bed and waves at me. "Bye".
"Bye". She walks off and her light blonde hair blows in the wind of the hospital air. She quickly runs back and hugs me, "I'll see you tomorrow ". She runs off and walks out the door.

Then that night I dreamt of her.