Windborne wanderers / kazuscara

11

growing up, i was constantly ostracised by my biological mother's servants and friends. they say i ruined everything. they bully me until i cry. they would hit me if they get angry.

i got thrown from foster home to foster home after child support was called. i was just a means of extra income for all of my temporary parents. they didn't care for me. some of them even openly insult me.

i was forced to grow up at a young age. due to the environment i grew up in and the words i had to endure, i became extremely self aware. so aware i was self conscious. i was aware of flaws i didn't have. i was aware of habits i thought i had. i thought i was the worst person to exist, and my character grew around that thought.

honestly, thinking back, i was a good kid. timid, shy, and kind. but, i was manipulated into thinking i was a bad person, so i subconsciously acted out. i became the bad person people thought i was.

i still don't think i'm any good. i'm a terrible student and an even worse friend. but, why should i care? these expectations that were laid upon me all became true! i should be proud to achieve that. i'm not lying anymore. it's real. i'm a piece of shit. i'm not hiding anything.

"but why does it hurt so much...?"

"...you're crying."

"...i didn't need you to tell me that."

spilled my life to some dude called heizou. do i regret it? yeah. 'cause i'm crying in front of him. who knew i'd still be so fragile?

"you can act tough, but i'm pretty sure both kazuha and i can see through you completely. you're not inherently a bad person. you were brainwashed into becoming one."

"..."

cry. just cry. let it all out! the guilt you've been carrying since you were born. the feeling of incompetence inflicted upon you. if you just let it out, it'll be better! you finally got words of reassurance. you finally got what you've been wanting to hear for the longest time!

my chest hurts. my stomach hurts. my head hurts. my eyes hurt. i can't breathe. i'm yelling. i'm being watched. but why can't i stop if it feels so horrible?

——

"...i'll clean your room for you, so just go sleep already."

"that was so fucking embarrassing... why'd it have to be you? if kazuha saw this i would've felt less embarrassed. that would've also strengthened our bond."

"man alive... no use dwelling on the past."

"it wasn't even that long ago."

"just sleep. you look like shit."

"and WHO initiated it?!"

"be grateful i even did. you would've been worse off if i didn't."

"i fucking hate how you're right."

"you're welcome~"

deja vu...

kunikuzushi watched as heizou actually started picking the trash caused by the crying session not long ago up. he threw it out, cleaned the room a bit, and even dusted the floor.

"...thanks."

oho, golden opportunity.

"come again?"

"you wish." with that, kunikuzushi flipped over and shut his eyelids. heizou just smiled and left the room short after. of course, he did not turn off the lights.

——

"kuni, where were you?"

"k-kazuha..."

oh my GOD that fucker (heizou). ever since i've had to face my feelings head on, facing kazuha became increasingly hard.

"i was at my dorm. i passed out since i was tired."

"ah, makes sense. you look horrible..."

"...shit, is it that obvious?"

"have you been... crying?"

oh.

oh shit.

no, stop.

why'd he have to ask that in such a concerned tone?

why'd his face have to look so considerate?

shit, we're in the fucking hallway. there's people around.

i can't cry.

not again...

"tch..." kunikuzushi buried his face in his palms. he tried suppressing his sobs.

expect the unexpected, they say, because kazuha dragged him away from the corridor into an empty classroom to hug him.

he was so unfamiliar with the sensation that he cried even harder into kazuha's shirt. he was clenching kazuha's back. his head was buried deep into kazuha's chest. his hair was being stroked gently. kazuha didn't say a word.

the comfort...

it was single handedly the most intoxicating feeling kunikuzushi had felt. he wanted more.

he melted deeper and deeper into the embrace unknowingly.

kazuha continued to sooth him by patting his head and drawing circles on his back with his palms.