Cries of Hell season 3 Polaroids

From the distance

So i was gonna write stories about my favorite people like my friends 

But I did forget I do have a favorite version of myself the other day I was looking for pics of my friends and I found a pic of  me was 15 the last day of school 

Freshman year me I really miss her do u have a pic of yourself and be like "I miss u" I liked my 15 year old self I am 19 rn I can say that she was perfect Like she was cute She had prefect hair and smart and really nice to people 

Nadia from 2019 was prefect I wanna be that person again but I don't know how to be her 

But ill write a story about the person i used to be and the person I used to love I really wish I can tell u how proud of u U did great U did everything in your own cool why I admire it almost 

SO before highs school started I was 14 and getting out of a really good relationship and I had to I had to ready myself for high school and this was back in 2018 and I didn't know how to really well put myself out ready for high school untill my mom said we should do shopping for school and me thinking like ohh great time to not think about Matthew so this is fine 

So me and my mom went to kohls and while we were their I saw these Velvet scrunchies with pretty colors. dark red and dark blue with black and white and I thought "Omg I am getting into high school these would make me fit in a little" so I got them and while we were there kohls was playing a song Name "fallin by Alina Baraz" and It was a great song makes me feel like a baddie well I was 14 I wasn't allowed to be hot and well I didn't care about fashion so ik at time I did mostly dress like a clown but their were time I was stunning 

So yea I did use velvet scrunchies to help me fit in high school and yea I did great 

Not even that ik high school is about drama and I did learn to talk about drama and how to use it back when I was 14 I was a innocent person a pure sweetest 14 year old u would ever meet 

So I did what a lot of tea spilling videos about like celebrities like to show the difference between bad and good and spilling tea videos are all about throwing shade and that did get me to fit in but to this day I hate drama and I still try to get out of it the only time I use drama or gossiping is when I wanted to fit in a community

So being a bad person felt cool 

I did my homework with fitting and I did do my school work like a good kid that's all I cared about my school work and it being done with accurate answers turned in before the due date being a good student was all I cared about  having good grades so my parents aren't gonna threaten to break anything 

My grades were so good I had A's B's and a few C's no d or f well not until school was ending I didn't care about it ending so yea people liked me cuz I did my school and was helping people or just let them cheat off your stuff But its fine people will like u  

Even me being nice to people makes u more like able I was nice to everyone but I learned that good people like people but bad people love good people I was those people that let others walk all over me 

I'll never forget the time I was a freshman and I was holding doors open for ppl and a girl laughed at me for I didn't understand then now ik why 

I miss being nice to people but I have no care in ppl I hate ppl 

With my intelligence I did hate that I know a lot of unless information I can say "I'm sorry" in other languages well not a lot anymore

So yea school motivation me to be a smart person I feel bad I don't have that motivation I usually lay around to die 

Ugh I miss being around friends in school and I miss working I just miss having a life and bruh a good person 

So yea at the beginning of school I did a lot to fit in and I times I did feel like I would disconnect from the popular people at times I for real didn't feel like dealing with popular people 

Most of the time I did like outsiders they were so much better u can have actual conversation with them and they are relatable people with respect yea and I ik outsiders I feel like if u know more nerd  the more real people like u 

And it's kinda true I do have good real friends from school like my favorite people but

When school was ending I tried one more time to fit in again cuz well I kinda wanted attention next year so I had to do something different not learn about throwing shade and knowing famous people but in a way that was really beneficial

I wanted to get hit to I worked out only did squats that's it I got a bigger butt everyone loved me and working makes u look healthy so another point for being hot and that's it one time my friend said "woah Nadia your thicc" and I was like "hmm! Thx" and then I got attention from the upperclassmen again and I was somewhat popular again or in another way people liked me cuz I was young hot child haa haa I didn't wear anything slutty tho I was modest 

So yea high school changed me for good and bad I do miss a lot who I was 

U know I would hug my 14 year old self and say "hey u did great fitting in high school good job ik no one ever said I'm proud of you but I am proud of you" 

I  do miss her she was cool. 

She's gone now I can't be her but I can't be like her I should have motivation like her and be perfect again