Mended

37

Elijah's POV

The speedometer was pushed to its limits as I pressed my foot down until the gas pedal was parallel with the floor. I didn't pay attention to the street signs that lined the side of the road, my vision tunneling until I couldn't see anything beyond my windshield. The cars that surrounded me as I merged onto the highway passed by like mere flashes of light, the world around me becoming blurry as I drove faster than I ever had in the past.

I'm sorry, Elijah. I'm sorry that I never had the courage to tell you. I'm sorry that I was able to keep the rest of them in the dark, while you were forced to carry the burdens.

My heart rate picked up as my dad's face flashed through my mind. I pressed down on the accelerator harder, wondering how many times I'd stood in front of him and treated him like he was the enemy instead of the man who'd raised me.

My biggest regret is not giving you a chance to live the life you deserved.

Someone honked as I harshly switched lanes, but I ignored them, focusing on the exit that was approaching. Instead of slowing down to take it, I sped up as the ramp neared.

Every time he'd stood in front of me and asked me if I would ever forgive him. Every time he'd let me throw accusations and cruel words at him, not even bothering to defend himself against something that turned out to be false this entire time. Every time he'd let me call him a monster for hurting my mother. Every time I'd told him I wished I had a different family because at least that way, I would've gotten the childhood every kid deserved.

He just took it. He took it all.

I forced myself to slow as I reached downtown. It was muscle memory that allowed me to arrive at the bar my siblings and I had come to before. The only thing that coursed through my mind as I stepped out of my car and headed inside was that I needed something. I needed something to make it stop.

I needed something to forget what I'd been told today.

One drink turned into two. Two turned into three. Three turned into four. Four turned into five until eventually I ended up losing count. I finished every glass to its very last drop, yet the alcohol still failed in helping me achieve what it was that I'd come here for.

I couldn't forget, but I needed to so I kept going. I kept going until my vision turned hazy and the ground seemed to disappear from under my very feet. Voices blurred into one, the music shifted into a loud bass that echoed at the base of my throat like it was my very own heartbeat.

But I still remembered.

I'm sorry, Elijah. I'm sorry that I failed you.

He didn't. He fucking didn't.

All this time—

No. It wasn't the truth; it couldn't be.

My lungs started to close up so I reached for another glass. Liquid that once burned going down my throat no longer had any sensation to it. Now, it tasted like water. I needed it to survive. I needed it to keep going.

I had to forget.

Vaguely, I was aware of my phone ringing. It had been since I'd first arrived here, and I had a feeling it was Olivia. I was supposed to be home by now.

Thank you, Elijah. I don't deserve everything you've done for me, Elena had once said.

She'd been telling me. She'd been telling me the entire goddamn time about how miserable and disgusting of a person she was and I hadn't listened. She'd fooled me and as a result of that, I'd betrayed my dad.