Nandini

Chapter 42- Maayan

Dear Prince . . .
Beloved Prince . . .
Respected Crown Prince . . .

How should she address a message for the prince? Most of the queens who arrived for the coronation had returned with their lords. When Periyavar said that they are returning only the next week, everyone was ecstatic. Chinnavar didn't want to leave Ammu behind but had to relent since it is for a few days. Kundavai and her gang even took them on a small picnic. Though the she tried to provoke Nandini multiple times, it didn't work like she intended.

It's already Friday. Periyavar has gone to Darasuram for a town council meeting about cultivation. He will return in the evening. That means he will get only one day to prepare. He might scold her for not revealing anything when his brother was here. But only 10 - 12 people are likely to come with Ravidasan. Periya Pazhuvettaraiyar alone can easily take out half of them.

Nandini felt a profound sense of finality in her heart. But this message is confusing her. How many messages have she written to En Perumale, Padmanabha, Komagane, Thevare, Kanna, Kalla Kanna, Kadhala . . . . That was another lifetime.

This message should be precise and appropriate. She is inviting him to visit the Pazhavoor Queens and get their blessings. But she hasn't told the queens about his visit. They are busy learning cooking from the North Indian chefs who made the delicacies for the coronation fest. So he will come, she will convey her regards, express her happiness about his coronation and . . . she can ask him to conduct Ammu's and Maduranthakan's wedding. Then she will inform the queens that their grandson is here to seek their blessings. They are too polite to say anything about not announcing the visit in advance. What if he is busy? No, he will come.

My esteemed grandson . . .

°------------°

This gazebo looks even more beautiful than her gazebo in Tanjai. Her gazebo? She isn't going back. She will be lucky if she escapes with her life after confessing everything. If they just let her go, she will go to Annan. Didn't Ravidasan tell her that he is here? They all can go away from this cursed country and visit the pilgrimage sites in the North. After that . . .

She heard someone clearing their throat. Karikalar! Behave with respect and dignity, she reminded herself, you are now Periya Pazhuvettaraiyar's wife.

"Arase! Welcome. Thank you for accepting my invitation. Please be seated".

Isn't he well? He looked feverish, anxious and restless. He is agitated. Doesn't she know him too well? He might be worried about the Emperor. Maybe he is disgusted by the forwardness of another man's wife. Who is she kidding! It wasn't to congratulate him or to discuss about Maduranthakan's wedding that she invited him. She just wanted to see him. That's it. Restraint! Restraint! Why isn't he saying anything? She doesn't have time to waste.

"We all are so glad that your highness was formally declared the heir and crown prince. Congratulations. We are sure Chola country will  . . . "

"Traitor!"

Nandini felt like someone punched the air out of her lungs. Grief was overwhelming his ability to speak. His lips quivered, eyes reddened and filled with tears. Has something happened to the Emperor? The mask of serenity he wore during the coronation is gone. He looked even more scary than the frenzied man who cut off the head of Veera Pandyan.

"Are you happy, Nandini? Happy? I am not happy. I will never be happy".

"Prince, you have all reasons to rejoice. You have been made the . . ."

"Stop talking in circles. My heart is shattered, my soul is devastated, and my body aches everywhere like a thousand swords are stabbing me. Is this what you wanted? Jewellery and silk? When did you start desiring all this? If you wanted any of it, you could have told me. I would have adorned you with all the gold in the world."

Nandini didn't know how to respond. Is this what Kundavai told him? Why blame her alone? Many people are gossipping that she seduced the old man to live a luxurious life.

"Karikalare. . . "

"Don't utter my name. Don't utter my name with the tongue that called Veera Pandyan your lover and Pazhavoor Thattha your husband. Is there anyone else?"

No! No! Horrible words!! What is he saying? Is this what he thinks about her? Who is this mumbling lunatic! Where is her Karikalar?

"You have killed my my love. You have killed my lover. Since you aren't happy with that, please kill me too".

Where is the knife she borrowed from that soldier? She just threw it on the floor. Unfortunately, he didn't bother to take it. He continued ranting and raving and his words became indiscernible. She recognised some familiar words like "Pandyan" and "Pazhavoor".

What is even happening? Is this a nightmare? Does this mean that. . . No, it can't be. If he still loved her, wanted her, why didn't he say anything when he met her near her home? He just asked her if she needs any help like asking an old platonic acquaintance. He was very happy when he met her after her marriage and his coronation. What happened later? Nothing, he is disgusted to be in the presence of a woman who sold herself for luxuries. He doesn't love her. He can't love her.

"Nandini, I love you. Why are we talking about all these old men? All is not lost. Come with me. We can go beyond the seas to some distant island where people won't seperate us. Please Nandini, just say yes".

Did he say what she just heard? It it some maya born out of her mokam? Don't people see and hear non-existent things when their desires overcome their reason? But he is here. She can touch him if she just extends her hand a little. So near, yet so far. Though he looks like a crazed ghost, he is real. His grief is as real as hers.

She felt so exasperated that she wanted to scream raucously. Let everyone hear, let everything be destroyed. Why didn't this man say a word about this when he met her on the banks of Vaigai? She remembered akka's words. He is immature. Even now, will he ever trust her if she abandons her husband and elopes with him? Pazhavoor Paatti looked into the eyes of the 20 year old crown prince. Crown prince. Can he renounce the crown he earned and live happily? His scars may prove his struggles in the battlefield but he is used to having the power of life and death over thousands of men. 

"Then how will we live? Plant bananas? Chop wood?"

"Oho, you have become a queen from an archakar veedu. Is that why work looks beneath your status now?"

She laughed and then laughed some more. She couldn't help herself.

"Yes. I am not satisfied with this either. I want to become the Maharani. Kill those Pazhuvettaraiyars, kill, no, imprison your father. Then invite me. I will come and rule with you"

"Stop! What cruelty is this?"

She laughed again.

"I have seen you beheading a sick old man. Wasn't that cruelty? I know you can do it".

She laughed till her stomach ached and breath stopped.

"Prince, Come back when you change your heart. I will be your Maharani".

He was rambling on about sinners and cruelty and other things that didn't make sense. Oh, he is talking about her. No, she won't be satisfied with the position of Chola Maharani either. She wants to become . . . . she will . . . What does she want? She couldn't say anything. His frenzy ended. The look he have her was puzzling- heartbreak, grief, defiance, all was mixed in it. The same determined look he gave when he said that he wanted her to ride with him on his horse.

Adithan, her Adithan.

But he didn't stay back. He is walking out, no, floating away. Then he disappeared into thin air. She wanted to run after him. Let us go away, let us run away from this wretched palace and country. But she could only laugh. One of the queens brought her some sweetmeat on a silver plate. But she just laughed hysterically. She heard the clang of a plate and someone screaming. More women entered the gazebo from all sides. Then it was darkness.

Maayan- Krishna, Lord of illusions, The one who entices

Maya- Illusion

Mokam- Desire, attachment

Archakar Veedu - Priests' home