To Catch Stars

𝚂𝚒𝚛𝚞𝚜

When arriving for the first time at Hogwarts in fifth year, there was a certain appeal to him. Unnamed and only remembered by the nickname I had assigned him.

Sirius. In his words I was a charity case, lonely lacking of interest and overall completely boring.

Looking back I could chuckle, how bright he was, egotistical and completely out of this world or in his own world.

He must have thought he was a god. No he did think he was a god. Maybe if I had agreed to feed grapes to him, it would've meant something.

In feeling something new, especially something as bright and shiny as him, noticing his inconsistencies and gaslighting was not a skill I had acquired yet.

I suppose it's the perfect way to start. To lead up to how I added the latest star to my collection.

"Theres only one way to make a potion and it's my way." I peered up at him from my potions book confused on how he figured that.

"It says to crush the slugs and your.....what exactly are you doing?" His face seemed to twist into one of annoyance.

"I'm dicing them it's better that way." Nodding I decided not to pick a fight, he probably knew what was best anyway.

I was completely Delusional.

Smiling at him I rested my chin on my hand as he made the potion. He was unbelievably smart, and even if he was a little stubborn sometimes I didn't mind.

Alot of the times he was right anyway."See look it's perfect now go hurry and give it to the professor I don't need to waste my time in this class any longer."

Nodding tentatively I took the now vialed potion careful not to bump our station as I got down from my wooden stool and walked down the short path to Slughorn's desk.

"Ah what have you brought me now? Another brew from my star student?" Slughorn smiled at me accepting the vial and shaking it watching as bubbles formed.

He almost looked quizzical."Back to your seat Miss Selene." I didn't have to know it was wrong by his face, the colour was off and it even smelled different.

I'm sure it's just a little off. It was probably acceptable at Sirius's old school. The cold stool met me as I sat next to him again.

"It's entirely messed up, what did you put in it to make it so wrong? Merlin, can you not do anything right."

"What?" I questioned confused."Your the one who diced the slugs-" He scoffed."And now your trying to tell me something I did not do."

I look at him my mouth moving but a word not coming out, I had no idea as what to say."I-im sorry your right I must of misremembered."

Right yes I must have let the fumes get to me."Now clean up since you messed up the potion it's the least you can do."

Nodding I began to clean my station as he packed his things and got up when the bell rung leaving me with the sticky ooze from the potion left to clean.

Fucking delusional.

When I had finished I headed straight to him ready to have dinner and greet him as usual, but instead of a seat open next to him it was occupied.

Being not the biggest fan of confrontation, I sat further down and I made a plate, he probably thought I had stayed back in my room.

That has to be the reason, as the time went slower and slower I finished dinner and was hoping to catch him in the hallway.

Guess my hopes went unanswered. He had to have disappeared in thin air, he was nowhere near the hallway.

So I retired for the night.

To spare the repeating I would rather just lay it out. This went on for awhile, and of course it was a me problem,

Not the gaslighting narcissist, he burnt me out, even now I know a lot of it wasn't a me problem, but I still consider him a star I killed.

As he lost interest in me. Leaving me behind as always. I was stuck in a crossroad.

Talk to more people, make friends....even maybe a proper relationship.Or self soothe, hide, and try my best to become invisible.

I've always loved that option.

"Come on don't do that, your making it all about yourself." Tears ran down my cheeks as I tried to wipe them away.

"But I thought you liked me." His finger was hard in my chest."I liked you, past tense, your boring and plus your too manipulative."

He turned on his heel."Find someone else to entertain your loser party." My breath caught in my lungs as I tried to breathe.

Nothing came out not even a semblance of air as I watched him leave the front of my commons room.

I gasped for air but he kept going. Leaving me all alone.