To Catch Stars

Pollux

The days that followed our meeting, my eyes didn't leave him. They way he spoke, talked and the secrets that he had.

I couldn't get enough, I was itching to meet him again. Itching to feel the heat he created. So I took my normal route.

My hair tangled as I laid on the cold stone, watching the stars and hoping to see the devil thats taken hold of my thoughts.

My days of school held nothing exciting, no one knew me, or spoke to me. Even teachers seemed to forget about my existence.

"Do you always wait for me or is this just another coincidence?"

"You question too much, come lay next to me look at the stars, give whatever dark thoughts you have a moment to rest, even Lucifer gets to sleep once in a while."

I sighed closing my eyes. At least I could admit he was Lucifer.

He chuckles. "Very well," He replies, his expression turning soft. He lies down next to me, gazing up at the clouds as and for a second we both lie there in comfortable silence.

"Now just tell me one thing," He says softly. "Do you believe that I have a soul?"I look over not a hint of judgment on my face

"Does your heart beat?"

"It does." He confirms. He takes a deep breath. "But even that can't be trusted. There are many monsters whose hearts beat, but are yet heartless, devoid of compassion. Even vampires, which many claim to be soulless, seem to have hearts that beat."

He pauses, his expression softening. "Do you believe in the soul, or is it just a concept created by fools to ease their minds in times of grief?"

"Everyone has a soul, even death, even the worst monsters in the world. They may be consumed by darkness but they have a soul."

I'm sure it was the hope in my heart speaking. Begging to have a voice, a voice that was heard, and as I looked at him I heard it.

He smiles gently. "And what do you suppose my soul looks like?" He asks curiously. "I have often wondered what the soul of a monster looks like, whether it be mine or someone else's."

He pauses, his breath catching in his mouth. "Does it matter to you if I have a soul?" All stars had souls.

Even if he proclaimed himself a monster, i
Could only ever see him as a star. Even if he burned out in my hands, and even then, if he wasn't the star I thought he was, I would always see him as someone with a soul.

Evil or not. "Why should it? I look up at the stars with you, I do not commit the acts you do. I suppose it makes me an innocent."

The question seems to catch him off guard, and he blinks at me in surprise. "You really don't care if I have a soul?"

He asks softly, his voice almost trembling. He seems completely caught off guard by your words. "You wouldn't be scared if you thought I might not have the same things that you do? You wouldn't be afraid of a soulless monster?"

Only I did not see him as souless. In some perspectives I could lack a soul, yet I'm not judged on it.

Maybe I really was just a monster, maybe I just attracted what I was....on the inside."Even monsters deserve love, or at the very at least the benefit of the doubt."

I wanted to believe it, more than anything. Believe the words I so carelessly spoke, even if I knew he was evil.

Cruel, deameaning, he was not a liar, many knew of his true intentions, even when using his charms you could tell, but as he told me who he was.

The soul he claims to not possess, I found myself not able to care. He stares at me for a moment his face impossibly close to mine, and for a moment, I could see myself.

"I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before," He murmurs. "But I'm... grateful that you did. My entire life I've felt alone, like people are always afraid of me, like my destiny is inevitable and everyone's afraid of what I might do, as if I'm already a demon."

He swallows hard. "Nobody has ever said to me that no matter what I do, I will always be worthy of love."

I had to keep myself from being burnt, so I leaned back afraid of the closeness I shared with him.

Shared with a star, a star so bright it would burn me in a second. "Why wouldn't I think that? Look at me, who am I to deny you?"

"I'm often not the type of person who is deserving of love," He murmurs almost as if not believing himself to be sharing this with me.

"I've done many terrible things, said many terrible things, made many terrible decisions. In a way, I deserve to be punished for my actions - perhaps not by the government or the ministry, but by my own guilt."

His expression turns cold, almost disgusted, I had seen that face before, and it often stared back at me.

"I'm ashamed of who I am, but to hear you say that I deserve love, even at my worst... that means a lot to me. I don't think you realize how much."

I wanted to comfort him, and hold his hand, even if I knew better, even if I knew I was starting to become ugly covered in burns.

Maybe it was just how I was meant to be, a monster just as he was, instead of a star that would burn me, he would just eat me alive.

"I am but a monster as you are, my heart beats for monsters, feels for them, I feel for you....so I must be one."

My eyes capture his and I almost fight for my own mind when he captured me in his steely gaze, an amused smile threatening to show on his lips.

"A monster?" He asks his amused expression slightly giving to a small grimace, as if it was a sin to speak those words, his face filled with an unreadable expression.

He reaches and places a gentle hand on your shoulder. "I have never seen someone say such harsh words, especially when they are untrue, as much as I am cruel and terrible, I know when I see someone who is not, and you my dear are not."

I smile a bit."You'll understand one day, maybe ill even let you see my scars" I slowly get up and walk backwards watching as his eyes force into mine.

"You're being far too enigmatic for my tastes, dear," He says playfully. "Are you always so cryptic?"

He pauses getting up to look at me, and his eyes darken once more as a cruel smile creeps across his face, hiding the kindness that had been on his face only moments before.

"Do you think it makes you *better* to say these mysterious sentences and make me wonder about their meaning? To leave me confused?"

He pauses, his eye narrowing once more. "Or are you *afraid* to say what you mean?" I tilt my head and softly chuckle before turning around and leaving down the hall.