In Her Own Footsteps

IV

Ever since her unemployment started, Aanya had attempted different activities to try and explore what may be next for her at this stage of life. She felt a lack of fulfillment since graduating college with a Bachelor of Art. She felt disconnected from the things that made her feel more like herself – photography, writing, and socialization. She had been trying to find time to reconnect and explore new activities. So far she tried studying, connecting with strangers, and writing... it still didn't feel like she used to; it was still unfamiliar. She missed being unapologetically herself except, she didn't know who that would be anymore. She accepted that she had changed a lot over the years but she was yearning for the passion and excitement that the memory of being herself used to bring.

There were things that Aanya gave up as the relationship with Connor bloomed: friendships, passions, and adventures. He didn't ask her to. She just did it on her own for reasons that are still unknown to her. She wanted to dedicate her attention to him and wondered if she had unknowingly fallen prey to societal expectations of female duty in mature relationships. Aanya had a habit of sacrificing herself for others, completely of her own will, and was unaware of it at the moment. She would come to regret it when she realized she was too far distanced from who she used to be. She missed her old self. She mentioned some of this to Connor before; the longing for who she used to be. These were subjects they were able to confide about. Subjects about the self.

The thing about Aanya and Connor's relationship that originally brought them together was relatability. When Aanya first met Connor she was still in the midst of acclimating to the Western attributes of the US. In her naive teenage years, she was fascinated by Western culture. Her exposure to life in the US came from the portrayals of Hollywood. It was so different from the somewhat oppressive society she felt the need to conform to in Mauritius. She wanted to live the life protagonist lived on US television. She craved freedom, individuality, and more than anything the ability to be unapologetically herself. When she finally got to college, she uncovered a different layer of life in the US. It compelled her to withdraw herself.

Aanya remembered her arrival on campus. When she first traveled to the US, she was accompanied by her mom. She found out about an aunt, a cousin of her mom, whom she had never heard of before. While she would not admit it, she was reassured to have family close by. Someone who could be familiar. After a rough twenty-four hours plane ride, they landed in Atlanta Georgia. Aanya was taken aback: the sun was bright at 8:30 PM. She did not know this was possible. In her own country, she would be lucky to see the sunlight outside after 6 PM. After another 2 hours flight, they made it to Harrisburg before midnight. They were picked up by Kiran, this fascinating aunt who much like herself had felt burdened by the limitation of Mauritian society and found solace in the individuality of America. Aanya wanted to be like her.

After a couple of days in the peace and quiet of suburban Lancaster, they made the three-hour road trip to Williamsport, Pennsylvania. Aanya was in constant wonder: the view had been cornfields, water towers, horse-drawn buggies, and rivers that stretched as wide as the sea. This was all new to her. Winded by the hour-long drive, Aanya fell asleep in the car. She was really trying to fight motion sickness. She woke up to the sight of Lycoming College, the private university where she would spend four years of her life. Aanya did not admit this to anybody. Her excitement was washed away by disappointment. She was met with anxiety and questioned her decision.

The drive into campus ground was gloomy and depressing. It had rained before they arrive. The paths were puddled. There was not a single soul in sight. The campus was surrounded by a residential neighborhood that appeared rather uninviting. Not too far away was a building that seemed to have been abandoned for years. Kiran dropped off Aanya and her mom on the sidewalk as she embarked on a quest to find a parking lot.