In Her Own Footsteps

I

Amidst the bustling sounds of a waking world and the morning sun casting through the off-white blinds, Aanya's eyelids weighed heavy with the weariness of sleeplessness. Unable to force herself back to sleep, she let out a resigned sigh, grabbed her phone from under her flattened pillow, and read the time: 10:38 AM Thursday, June 15th, 2023. On her right was her husband, Connor, deep asleep, and on her left, Indigo, her rather large cat, sprawled out like a human. It took her a minute to free herself from the blanket held tightly around her. She looked at Connor with envy. Aanya had been struggling with her sleep for months. She would wake up a lot during the night and it would take her an hour to fall back asleep. She missed having good sleep like Connor, one of the many things stress had taken from her.

It had been exactly six months since she became unemployed due to her work permit expiring. If only she could have killed some more time by sleeping longer, she wouldn't have to spend the remaining twelve hours of the day wondering what to occupy her rather unfulfilling life with, until it would be time to finally go back to bed.

"Move, please," she uttered to Indigo, attempting to push her away. Indigo released the grip she had on the edge of her blanket, but not before meowing at her in a pretty cute, soft-toned voice. She groggily got out of bed. She grabbed her Apple watch off the floor, next to the bed, where it had been charging overnight, and put it on. Her daily stand goals were the only sense of accountability she could hold onto during her day. Aanya put on her beige slippers and walked to the kitchen.

She was determined to do the dishes from the previous night first thing so she could have a somewhat productive day. The sink was a mess, filled to the brim with pots and pans piled on top of the mismatched plates. She felt a sudden surge of anger come in from reminding Connor the previous night to not pile dishes again. She preferred everything to be organized. It helped her maintain a clear mind. She took a deep breath to calm herself.

"It's not a big deal," she reminded herself. She felt better already. The thing about Aanya was that she knew exactly what would happen when her emotions and stress level slip out of her control. A memory of her hysterical crying flashed in her mind. Connor would unfortunately be the one towards whom all the misguided emotions would be unleashed. He was always the bigger person and understanding of the situation. Aanya did not want to use his kindness as a way to enable her own toxic trait. She was working on becoming more rational and in control like a proper adult... unlike who she was as an emotional teenager.

Aanya turned on the faucet and warm water started running in the sink. She had a quirk: ever since her childhood, Aanya liked to rinse everything out and organize the dishes before getting into it. It grossed her out to touch wet and sticky remains. From the bigger plates to the small ones, to pans, pots, and cutlery, she got all the dishes on.

Feeling better already by the clean kitchen and the feeling of accomplishment it provided, Aanya headed to the bathroom to brush her teeth. The sense of accomplishment vanished as she caught her reflection in the mirror.

"What have I become?" she asked herself. She stared at the woman standing in front of her. She looked at least a decade older than she was. Her face appeared bloated, with spots over her cheeks and forehead. Her eyes were tired and red, despite the almost twelve hours of sleep she had gotten. Her posture was slouched. She looked defeated. She was wearing a worn-out and oversized T-shirt with paint splatters all over the "Big Brother, Big Sister" lettering; a T-Shirt she received for free at the campus fair during her freshman year of college, five years ago. Her skin looked damaged and dry, with wrinkles forming under her eyes, nose, and forehead. Her curly hair, now frizzy had mostly fallen out of the bun she put it in the night before, and yet, the stretched-out scrunchy managed to stay on. She wondered how life had gotten to the point where she could not find a nice word to say about her appearance, but, she knew all too well.