In Her Own Footsteps

VIII

"Connor," Aanya called out hesitantly, her voice tinged with anticipation.

"What?" Connor answered bluntly. His disinterest was palpable.

"Today is your day off, right?" She asked, looking at Connor. She looked at him, her eyes widening softly, eyebrows pinching slightly and her lips forming a gentle pout.

"Yeah," Connor uttered, not bothering to look away from his dual monitor setup, engrossed in playing the Sims 3 on the left screen and watching a YouTube video on the right.

"How about tomorrow?" She asked, the voice hopeful. "Do you have off tomorrow as well?"

"Yes, why?" Connor asked, his attention still divided between his virtual and digital worlds.

"Well... since you have tomorrow off too, would you like to go on a walk with me today?" Her heart raced as she made the suggestion, hoping desperately that Connor would agree. She longed for quality time together and didn't want him to dismiss her ideas once again. Sensing hesitation on Connor's face as his lips started to tilt to the left, Aanya quickly added, "It doesn't have to be long! Just thirty minutes, a stroll to the 18th Century garden and back."

"I'm not sure," Connor replied with a smug hint of discontent on his face. "I'm tired. I'll think about it later."

Aanya remained silent, her disappointment evident. She had expected this response. Connor rarely showed enthusiasm or interest in her suggestions, and it saddened her. Her own husband seemed disengaged from her, and while he provided financial support, the emotional connection wavered. It broke her heart, mourning the couple they used to be in the early months of their relationship. The confusion weighed on her. Connor fulfilled their financial needs, but emotionally, it felt like a coin toss.

Aanya found herself grappling with confusion whenever Connor exhibited a lack of genuine emotions. As a person diagnosed with bipolar disorder since childhood, Connor had been taking medication to manage his condition. However, their relationship didn't always fit the common stereotypes associated with bipolar disorder. Aanya had extensively researched the condition, often coming across descriptions of extreme and unpredictable emotional swings. But with Connor, it was different.

Instead of exhibiting intense highs and lows, Connor's disorder and medication seemed to manifest in a different way. More often than not, he appeared to feel down, disconnected, uninterested, and distant. Aanya struggled to reconcile this version of bipolar disorder with the one she had learned about through her readings. She had expected more irrational and drastic displays of emotion, but instead, she found herself navigating the challenges of a partner who seemed emotionally muted.

Aanya was grateful for the fact that their relationship didn't conform to the stereotypes associated with Connor's bipolar disorder. It offered a semblance of normalcy, but it also left her feeling a profound sense of loneliness. She had come to accept that their romantic connection would be different from that of other couples their age. Connor struggled to express his emotions in a profound and consistent manner, making it harder for Aanya to bridge the emotional gap between them. The growing distance and disconnect she felt was yet another consequence of the medication, Quetiapine, prescribed to manage his bipolar disorder.

Aanya felt grateful for the moments of normalcy in their relationship, where Connor's bipolar disorder didn't align with common stereotypes. However, it also left her with a profound sense of loneliness. She had come to accept that their connection would be different from that of other couples their age. Connor's struggle to express emotions in a profound and consistent manner made it challenging for Aanya to bridge the emotional gap between them. The growing distance and disconnect she felt were consequences of the medication he took, Quetiapine, to manage his bipolar disorder.