209-Dizzy

The Journal

I sat in shock for a long time, staring at it intensely, as if I could will it to disappear with my eyes.

Tears steadily rolled down my cheeks as I tried to keep my breath calm and even.

I felt sick. There was no other word that would do my feelings justice, besides just absolutely ... sick.

My hands magically, much to my disapproval, reached for the small journal that lay in front of me. The book itself was a light blue, slightly faded from the years of use. A small symbol was engraved on the front, appearing almost branded.

I flipped open the cover, now staring at the first page, which was thicker than the pages that followed. On it was a list of statements, 1-30.

It was the rules.

The fucking rules.

My mouth went dry, and I shut the book immediately, shoving it as far away from my body as I possibly could, memories flashed through my mind, despite my attempts to shut them out.

Next thing I knew, I was running for the nearest bathroom I could find.

I puked almost immediately, barely making it to the toilet. My body shook with each heave, and sweat plastered my bangs to my face.

"Alice?!" I heard Ashton shout, supposedly from down the stairs.

I was physically too weak to respond, I tried to cry out to him, but my voice refused to make a sound.

I heard him running around, searching for me. 

"Alice, say something hun!" He yelled out, as I started sobbing profusely.

"Shit, there you are!" Ashton enveloped me into his arms, stroking my hair.

"Shh,take a breath" he instructed, while I sat trying to force my lungs to inflate.

"C-cant" I stuttered out in between failed gasps.

"I know it's hard, but keep trying, the last thing I want is for you to pass out."

I kept trying and miserably failing, per his request, that was until I started feeling incredibly dizzy, like my world was spinning.

Ashton stood up, leaving me on the ground by myself, and turned on the shower beside me.

He then knelt down, taking both my hands in his.

"I'm doing this because I love you." was all he said, before pulling me to my feet. My vision started to black out in spots, and a dazed feeling over took my body.

A panicked gasp tore through my burning chest, as the ice cold water soaked through my clothes and sept into my bones.

He threw me into the fucking cold shower.

I sunk to the ground, Ashton never leaving my side, and began trying to catch my breath.

It took another five minutes of sitting in the shower, shivering, before I felt my voice return to me.

"Out." was all I was able to croak.

Ash stood almost instantly, grabbing a towel, and turning off the faucet.

He helped me stand and step out of the chilling stream.

My breathing and heart rate  had returned to normal, but now my body was shuddering from the temperature.

"I'll grab you some warm clothes." he said, stepping out and I made my way back to "my" room.

Soon enough he popped back in carrying a large tee-shirt and some way oversized pants.

These had to belong to one of the guys.

"Meet me downstairs when you're done."

He left, and I stripped of the literally sopping wet fabric, before slipping on the borrowed clothes.

A sigh escaped my lips as I looked at the wreckage I'd created.

I've literally been here less than 24 hours, and I've already destroyed the pristine room.

I scooped up some of the stuff that I'd shaken out, shoving it back into the bag.

Everything, but the journal. I deliberately placed that inside the closet, under the sack,and closed the door behind me.

Now to figure out how the hell to explain this to Ashton.