209-Dizzy

Ily

"How soon will it take to get the paperwork in order?" Ashton asked the lady from CPS, who identified herself as Carol Smith.

"For the long-term foster placement, most likely 1-2 weeks. However, the emergency placement consent should be solidified by tomorrow morning, pending your background check passes." She replied, stacking her final papers and stuffing them into a manilla folder. "How soon were you hoping to discharge her?"

"As soon as we get the all clear to take her home." He said, as the lady gave him a puzzled expression.

"If she's already medically cleared to leave, then you can't just hold her here until we approve you." She spit out, somewhat bitterly.

"She would only be cleared to leave this soon, because she'd be with a medical professional at the house 24/7." He defended, saltiness biting his every word.

"Are you her charge doctor?"

"One of them." He said, now coming to a stand, as I bit my lip to hold back laughter. He was so defensive sometimes.

The lady looked like she was going to put up more of an argument, but got distracted by a loud tone coming from her phone.

"I'll let you know the minute we receive the placement paperwork from the judge." She didn't make any eye contact with Ashton as she spoke, gathering her papers in a hurry and scurrying out the door before either of us spoke another word.

"Why does everyone want to make this difficult?" He asked to no one in particular, falling back onto the bottom of my bed.

"I'm sorry I've been such a pain." I said, feeling guilty.

He immediately flipped his body to face me, "I didn't say that to make you apologize. None of this is your fault."

"I know.." I trailed off. "But, if I had just stayed out of trouble you never would've had to fight with the cops, or the social worker, and you certainly wouldn't be having to offer up your home."

"Do you think I care about any of that?" He asked, looking at me incredulously. "The only thing that has mattered to me from the very begging is your well-being." He said, as he wiped a tear from my face. "The minute I walked into your hospital room for the first time and saw you didn't have anyone willing to stay with you, my heart broke. Any responsible and caring parent should've been there the minute they heard their child needed them, but yours never showed. "

I sucked in a breath at his comment, trying to will my tears to stop.

"You wanted me to leave you alone from the start, but I knew you needed someone. " He shook his head at his own words, and revised his statement.

"You deserved someone."

I couldn't really form any words, or put them together in a coherent sentence for a good 10 minutes.

"I wish you weren't so kind." I said, refusing to look at him.

I felt him grab my hand and squeeze it lightly.

"Why?"

"Because I've wanted to leave this world for awhile now, and it seemed so easy in the beginning."

My heart pounded at my words, as I admitted my deepest wounds to him.

"And now?"

"And now... I have something to lose."

I felt him shift, and I closed my eyes, conditioned to expect an anger response.

Instead, a few seconds later, he pulled me into a hug, tucking my head into his chest.

I let myself break in his hold, letting down every barrier and dam that held up my exterior.
We stayed like this for quite a long time until I jolted up, away from his touch as I felt his shoulders shake against me.

"Are you crying?" I asked, as I studied his face, which was now red and tear stained.

He didn't answer my question, but instead just stood up and walked into the bathroom.

I watched as he washed his face, and regained his composure.

I'd never seen a man cry before, especially not over me.

"Ashton..." I said, unsure of how to handle this situation. "Are you okay?"

He gave me a soft smile as he exited the restroom and shut the light off behind him.

"Yeah, I'm okay." He said, his voice much more raspy now. 

He kneeled down beside me, and looked me in the eyes.

"I promise, that from this point forward you will be in my care and I will not harm you, or allow anyone else to ever treat you that way again." His voice, began to shake as he held back more tears. "I care for all of my patients, Alice, but... you're something different. You mean so much more to me, and I'm going to do my damndest to ensure you never feel like leaving is the best option again. Do you hear me?" He asked, a stern, but caring tone to his voice.

I responded by wrapping my arms around him tightly, and he did the same in return.

"I love you, Alice."

"I love you too."