lilliana
Enemies: a person who is actively opposed or hostile to someone or something. Most of the time, there is a reason for this hostility.
I have my enemies, everyone does. But I have one in particular that I see almost every day. Luke Warren Hughes.
We weren't always enemies. In fact, we actually dated once. The summer before our first year of college, we dated in secret. That was the problem for me. So long story short, I hate him for playing with my feelings. And he hates me for not understanding his side of things, or at least I think that's why. He never stated why he hates me.
I would avoid him at all costs, but considering we ended up in the same friend group, we are stuck together. But don't think that stops me from hating him, it doesn't. It only makes me hate him more.
For example, when I see him at a party kissing some random puck bunny, it infuriates me. Everyone likes to tell me it's because I still have feelings for him and just disguising it as hate. But they are wrong, one-hundred precent wrong.
Anyway, enough about the person who makes my life a living hell. I love hockey. It's a pretty known fact. And it's not just because I'm best friends with over half the team. I've watched the sport my entire life and somehow have a spot on the social team for Umich hockey.
"Lily. Please." Sarah. She's also on the social team. She's begging me to ask today's question. Usually, we just stand outside of the locker room with a paper that asks the question. Today isn't the case.
Today, we are asking what Taylor Swift Era each guy is. But for some reason, it's a tiny mic question. Meaning someone has to go into the locker room after practice and physically ask each guy the question.
Sarah is begging me to do it. It's so smelly and sweaty in there, and it's going to take forever to actually get the question to everyone.
"I'll do it," Her face lights up and she stretches out her hand with the tiny mic and social phone in it. "If I never have to do a tiny mic question again."
"What? No! Lily!" I shrug my shoulders and lean again the wall. She's about to give in, she always does. "Okay, okay, fine." She says.
I take the social phone and make sure the microphone works. "Off I go into hell! Don't be surprised if I never come back!" I say as I walk away from Sarah.
"The locker room isn't as bad as you make it seem, Lily." Adam Fantilli. Practically my brother. Adam is really good, but this our last year together - he's going pro next year and I'm looking forward to it, but dreading it at the same time.
"It actually is, Adam. Thank you very much." I reply. I stop outside of the locker room, Adam goes in.
"Everyone decent?" He yells. When he doesn't hear a no, he keeps walking in, as do I.
I ask Nolan first. I hand him the tiny microphone and make sure the phone is recording. "What's your Taylor Swift Era?"
"Uh... early 2000's." He states. It's an era but also not an era, but I accept it as an answer. I take the microphone back and move on. I want to be in and out of here. Hopefully I don't run into Hughes.
I ask Nick and Frank together. "Uh, what's the one?" Nick asks Frank. I know Frank has no clue, so I ask Nick his favorite song. "Our song." He states.
"Okay, so Debut." I shift my focus to Frank.
"I like the one with twenty-two on it." He states. "So, uh, Red."
I ask Matthew Knies next, he easily says 1989. I guess he's a Taylor fan. I'm not complaining, though. 1989 is a very good album.
I hand Adam the mic, I know what he's going to say. His girlfriend has converted him to a big Swiftie. "Uh, Evermore." He says.
Evermore is a sad era to be in, but it's an amazing album lyrically. I wouldn't choose is over Folklore, but it's a great album.
I ask Luca next, Adam's older brother. For the longest time, I thought it was the other way around.
"Uh, I like that Love Story song, so Fearless. I think?" He says. I nod. "Yeah, Fearless."
I got to Mackie next. "Um, I love Love Story, so Fearless." He states.
I ask Rutger next. "Uh, I'm gonna go... with Red, yeah. Red." He says. I see Hughes walking in the locker room and that is my queue to leave it.
"Leaving so fast?" Sometimes, actually most of the time, Luke and I will ignore each other. Then other times, he pulls shit like this. "You didn't ask me the question." He has that stupid smirk on his face that I ever-so-badly want to slap off.
"Because I couldn't give two fucks about your answer." There's nothing but a sharp cold tone to my voice. I slip past him and out the locker room.
See? Can't you see how infuriated he makes me? I can't believe I dated him at one point. What a stupid 18 year old I was.
There's only been a few times that I've been stupid enough to entertain his little conversations that are set out to make me react. But, zero times have I ever gave him the reaction he wanted and I'll be damned if I ever let happen.
I connect my phone to my Airpods and start the long walk back to my dorm. It's September, so it's not freezing, but it's Michigan.
As The Last Time fills my ears, I recall the times I would listen to the regular version of this - before Taylor's Version came out - and cry while listening to it over and over. The lyrics made so much sense to me and described how I felt in ways I couldn't explain.
This is the last time I'm asking you this. Put my name at the top of your list. That's exactly how I felt. I was tired of him not putting me first. I was tired of him not understanding I was hurt by our clandestine meetings.
Across the room, when we were in places we couldn't be together, those longing and stolen stares made me think he wanted to be together. But it turns out, it was the opposite.
To this day, I still don't know if he was ashamed to be with me and that's why things stayed illicit. Or maybe he simply didn't care about my feelings and put his above mine.
It's not like I was asking him to bow down to me, but I just wanted him to care. He cared about me when we were just friends for almost our entire lives, so why couldn't he do it when we were together? One of the great mysteries of Luke Warren Hughes.
author's note:
author's notes are basically my own little diary and are not written all at the same time so most of the stuff in here are just spur of the moment thoughts so please bare with me :)
anyway, here's chapter one!! i'm writing chapter three right now, so when i'm uploading a chapter, i didn't just finish it
