lilliana
Thursday. I wonder if Luke will tell me how the test goes. Yesterday, any outsider would've thought we were friends, and honestly, I would've said the same thing. We even laughed a couple of times - it was refreshing.
But it shouldn't be refreshing. I should hate him as much as he hates me, but I can't. I don't hate him anymore, and it's freaking me out.
I'll be in the same building as him during his test, which I'm pretty sure he's extremely nervous for. I'm on my way to that building now so we can get one last hour of studying before the test.
"You ready for it?" I swing my leg over the bench and set my book bag on the table.
"Yeah." I can hear a hit of nervousness in his voice which is throughly unlike him. Luke never gets nervous for anything.
"It's okay to be nervous about a test, you know." I pull out the notebook we've been using to take notes.
"I- I'm not nervous about the test." He admits. I turn to him slightly.
"Why do you mean?"
"It's nothing, let's just study." I should've known better. Anytime he gets close to opening up, he slams the door in my face.
We study for the entire hour with a heavy set of tension over us. It's uncomfortable and weird and I hate it all.
"Well, uh, good luck on the test." I state. I want to ask him to let me know how it goes, but I refrain. I grip the strap of my book bag that's hanging over one shoulder.
He does that half smile thing, I start to walk away but stop abruptly when he starts to speak. "What happens now? Do we go back to not talking? B- because I don't want that."
"I.. I don't want that, either." I state turning around. Making ground, this is good. "So.. friends?"
I hate that word. Friends. How can we be friends after the past we've had? I couldn't deal with that.
"Yeah." He says with a small grin. The first one directed toward me in a very long time. "I'll let you know how it goes."
"Yeah." I turn around and start the walk to my English class so he can't see the giant smile spread across my face.
I feel like a little 14 year old with a crush. When I was that age, I did have a crush, and it was on the same person. But now? I don't know.. it doesn't feel like just a crush anymore.
I've never been so disinterested in English in my entire life. All I can think about is how Luke is doing on that test. I've been so focused on this time with him, I forgot how much is at stake for him.
It would crush him if he couldn't play anymore, and honestly, it would crush me, too. Hockey is his dream.
As soon as the hour and a half class is up, I'm the first one out the door. I barely heard anything he said, but I have a 98 in this class - I'll be fine.
The Physics class door is open, but the room is empty. I loop around the inside of the building five times, none of which lead me to running into Luke.
Defeated, I leave the building although it's getting hard to ignore the feeling of not knowing how the test went. The thing about that class is, they get test grades back immediately.
But also, I can't ignore the fact that I just want to see his face again. Why did it take me so long to realize I don't him?
I recognize his curly brown hair from anywhere, and I immediately start to walk over to him. He keeps walking, obviously not knowing I'm following him. "Luke!" I call out, he turns around.
But it's not just him. He's with a girl. A really pretty one. Her blonde hair falling into place like dominoes and her perfect makeup. She's gorgeous.
I don't realize it, but my smile fades. Are they dating? They must be. The Michigan Cheer shirt only makes them the more perfect couple.
I walk over to them anyway. "How, uh, how did the test go?" I don't make eye contact with him.
"I passed." He says. He should be excited about this, but the tone in his voice says otherwise.
"That's great." I respond. I make eye contact with the blonde instead. "I'm Lilliana." I force a smile at her.
"You're Lilliana?" She says as if she knows me. I nod. "I'm Penelope." She even has a pretty name.
"Nice to meet you, I'll um- sorry for interrupting." I say before turning around, and start to walk away. I get pretty far, but for the second time today, Luke speaking stops me.
"Wait." He says breathlessly jogging up to my side. "I can explain, we-"
"You don't owe me an explanation, Hughes, we-" Is enemies the right thing to say? Friends? I don't know.
"Say enemies, I fucking dare you." He challenges me.
"It's that what we are? You hate me, I hate you. Simple." I walk away. One step toward, three steps back.
I can ever win with him, can I? Everytime we come back, we go crashing down once again. But when we go crashing down, we come back every time. I just don't get it.
"Lily!" I eagerly turn around, ready to tell Luke every though that's consuming my mind.
But it's not Luke, it's Matthew. He runs up to me, breathlessly. "I'm being transferred. I leave tonight." He says.
"Matty, what? When did you find out? This is such short notice, oh my god." I say.
"I just found out, and I'm freaking out, Lily." He says, voice shaking ever-so-slightly.
"Breathe, Matty. It'll be fine. Wherever you're going, I know you're going to do great things. I'll miss you, and it sucks that you're leaving, but it's gonna be for the better." I say engulfing him in a hug.
"Thanks, Wils." He says hugging me back. "I'm gonna miss you, too. And by the time I come back, you and Luke better be together."
"Matthew-"
"Ah, I don't want to hear any of that enemies bullshit." He says breaking away from the hug.
"Well, I'll see you later." He says.
"Yeah, see you later." The thing about saying goodbye is that it feels permanent. See you later could mean later that day, week, month, year. It has no time frame. So when Matthew Knies says he'll see you later, he means it.
author's note:
DOMINGO GERMAN AND THE YANKEES THREW FOR A PERFECT GAME AND AS A YANKEES FAN, IM OVER THE MOON ITS THE FIRST ONE SINCE 2012!!!!!!
anyway, i am so down bad for matthew tkachuck.
ALSO, i feel a little bit better about adam not going to anaheim but if mike does anything bad to adam like he did to mitch in toronto, i will throw hands!!
can we talk about how fine the draft class was tho??? connor bedard, adam fantilli, will smith!! LIKE OMG
