lilliana
"What's something you feel, but have never told anyone?" Ethan asks as we all stand, sit, and lay around the yard.
I know exactly what I want to say, but I pause. It's true, but should I say it? No one else has answered yet, and the two shots I've had give me a little more confidence than usual. "I.. I tend to think I'm unloveable."
"It's my turn to call bullshit." Luke says. I haven't looked at him all night since he embarrassed me like that. JJ and I aren't dating, we never will, he's a good friend, that's all. But why the hell does Luke think he has the right to say things like this?
I snap. "It's always something with you! Don't you realize you're the reason I'm this way!" I blame it on the shots. But I'm not wrong, I'm so insecure because of my mom, but he has some fault in it, too.
I walk away from the entire conversation. I walk angrily down the sidewalk away from the party house.
I walk for a while until I'm on the other side of campus - the more deserted spot. I'm so pissed off. I can't have a good night without Luke trying to ruin it. I'm stupid for thinking we could potentially be friends.
"You don't understand what you do to me, do you?" He says, catching me off guard. I didn't think he would follow me because I've been walking for so long.
"What are you talking about?" I turn around with my arms crossed. I'm pissed off and I'm not even walking in the direction of my dorm.
"You know, I never hated you." He says, his voice low but clear enough to hear. "You might not hate me anymore, but I never hated you to begin with."
How the hell does he know I don't hate him? Is he in my fucking mind or something?
"So why did you act like you did?" I say raising my voice. "After all of this time, you decided that now would be the best time to tell me?" All of this wasted time, we went around hating each other, and thinking the other did too.
"Because that was the only way I could remotely spend time with you, not that I deserved it." He says.
"Luke, what are you talking about?" I'm confused, now. Piecing together what Quinn and Jack were talking about, nothing makes sense anymore.
"After that summer, I didn't hate you I hated my myself for what I did to you." He says. "I would've rather had you in my life with you hating my guts than not at all."
It all makes sense now. Quinn and Jack didn't want to spoil this. Luke acted like he hates me because he wanted me in his life.
"Luke-"
"You believe in fate, right?" His voice raises, huh not with frustration. He's letting go all of this built up emotion from the last two years. "The universe wanted us to cross paths. What are we supposed to do now, hm? Act as if the universe didn't right that in your story? Our story?"
"Luke-"
"I love you, Lils." That fucking nickname. When we were dating - I hardly would call it dating - he never said it, but neither did I. I knew I did, and I guess I have all this time. "I always will even if our final chapter is right now."
I need him to shut up, I can't process all of this right now, it's too much.
"Twenty years from now," He says voice shaky.
"Luke stop." I say shaking my head, he continues anyway.
"They will hook me up to a polygraph and ask me if I love you and I will say no. But the needle will jump and sputter in the exact way my heart does when I think about you." He says.
"Stop, Luke."
lThey could ask me the same goddamn question for the rest of my life and the result will always be the same." He says.
"Stop, this is too much." I say.
"How do you think I feel!" He says. "I've had to keep this in for so long and it's too fucking much!"
"Don't fucking talk about keeping shit in, Luke. You don't get to do that." I state.
"I only wanted to keep us a secret because I didn't want to ruin our relationship with each other and your relationship with my family." He says.
"It ruined it in the long run, didn't it?" I say.
"I'm sorry, Lils. It was stupid, and I didn't think it through. I should've communicated it with you. But I need you to know I was never embarrassed of you." He says.
"I wanted to tell my family about us, and actually, after it was over, I did. I told them everything. And I cried, I cried every single day for a year because I fucked up so bad." He says.
"Luke-"
"I'm not telling you this so you feel bad for me, because that's not what I want. I'm telling you this because it's the truth. I- I should've been honest from the beginning." He says.
"And... I can't let this end, I- I can't let us end, Lils." He says. "I will do anything, and I will wait however long it takes. I would say that if somehow we could be friends, I'll take it. But honestly, I don't think I could."
"Never get a mullet."
"Huh?"
"You said you would do anything, never get a mullet." I say, a small smile growing on my face.
"But what about the playoff mullets? I don't think I-"
"Then I'm gone." I shrug my shoulders. That's not the truth, but I want to mess with him for all I've been through.
"Okay, okay. No mullet." He says sadly but the smile on his face tells me otherwise.
His features soften as he looks at me. "Can I kiss you?"
"No." I say before I stick my tongue out and run past him - back the way I came. I run full speed, but I know eventually he'll catch up to me.
"What the hell! Are you four!" I laugh at his comment. Considering he's way more athletic than me, and taller, and I'm wearing a dress, he catches up to me and pulls me to him by my waist.
"Can I kiss you now?" We both breathe heavily - me more than him - after the 'chase down.'
"I mean... I guess but-" I'm cut off with his lips on mine. After I adjust to what's going on, it's passionate and starving. It's like we're making up for lost time, because technically, we are.
"Yeah! Woohoo!" I guess we ended up back in front of the party house again because all of the guys are cheering and hollering.
I smile against his lips. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Luke flipping them off.
author's note:
WE MADE IT!!! actually.... did we?
ANYWAY, THIS WATTPAD IS ALMOST OVER but i'm working on another one rn :) it's called late nights and it's an original story with my own characters
i would like to say i love St1tchx comments they are so funny
