Head in the clouds

Thirty Five - Morgan

I looked down at the now cleared table, the party really starting in the rest of the room but I stayed here, swirling some shitty rose wine around in the glass. I've lost count of the number of shitty looks I've had tonight. Theo was dancing with some 8 year old girl. Can't say I know who's kid she was in all honesty. About half the guest list here tonight was under the age of 10 and with everything else going on, I hadn't bothered to even ask who was who.

I'm glad that out of everything, Sarah at least sunk us on a table with Sandra and everyone. The second dinner was over I'd have moved over here anyway.

Sarah wasn't happy. I knew her. And I knew when she was doing something for our parents rather than herself. Which other than it being every decision she's ever made, it was always the opposite of what she actually wanted. Johnathan was a family friend. A good man. A lawyer. Level headed. Good family. Already had a house. Already had a shit tonne in savings. Was already earning close to what mum and dad were. Notice how none of those were that he makes my sister happy? I could see the panic in her eyes as she walked down the aisle. Half of me was waiting for her to give me that look. The one that says I don't want this please save me. But she didn't. So, I didn't. And now she's married, smiling brightly but her eyes were still the same. Trapped. Fucked.

"He's a good one."

"Hm?" I turned my head, sitting up straight as Sandra sat down beside me, moving up a few seats from where she'd been all night. She nodded over at Theo, long sleeves of his shirt rolled up slightly, jacket on the back of my chair. He was grinning down at the girl who was rambling on about something, mouth moving a mile a minute but he looked so interested.

"Theo. He's a good egg as your uncle Mike would say." I smiled nodding slowly. He was. The best fucking egg in history. "So, what's going on with you both?"

"Nothing?" I raised an eyebrow. "He's just-"

"If you say just a friend I'll hit you round the back of the head. Don't think you're too old for it misses. Are you together?" I looked back at Theo who nodded at the girl and laughed, it echoing through the room and covering my skin in goosebumps.

"I don't know if togethers the right word."

"Oh, for god's sake. You're in denial."

"What? No. Denial is saying it's not happening when sure, something is. We're just not together together."

"Why not?"

"You're kidding right?"

"No." Sandra sighed. "Morgan you can't avoid doing falling in love again forever."

"Can and will."

"You're just as stubborn as Mike."

"Mhm. Who'd you think taught me?" She chuckled. "It's complicated."

"What is complicated about it? Morgan. I am terrified of your mother and this man went up head to head with her before he even said hi, then sat with your mental family, somehow managed to keep Sonny calm and is now dancing with kids at your sister's wedding whilst you stare at him like he's the whole world. That's not complicated."

"Not in this world it's not. In normal reality, it'd be fine. We wouldn't be judged for doing anything out of the ordinary. I wouldn't have to go long distance every other year. Our business wouldn't be splashed on every front page. In our world, relationships in general are complicated. Add in our personal lives and everything else going on. It's a lot." She sighed.

"Do you like him?" I turned my head back to her and she raised her eyebrow.

"Of course, I do."

"Then why does anything else matter?" Here comes the wisdom my uncle Mike always had for me. I swear he got it from her 90% of the time. "Morgan, I've seen love and I've seen people in love. I've seen people marry because it's what is expected and I've gotten married because I didn't care what anyone else thought. Darling girl, that man looks at you how Mike used to look at me. He put your mother in her place and I have no doubt he'd do that again if she tried it again. Stop being so stubborn and acting like you don't want a relationship when right now you want nothing more than to be stood where Keira is." Keira now the child has a name. The song ended and he dropped her hands, mouthing something to her before she ran off. He stood up straight, pushing his hands in his pockets. Hazel eye meeting mine across the room as my heart fluttered. He nodded his head, asking for me to come up but I just stayed. "Go Morgan."

"Mum will literally kill me if I get out of this seat tonight."

"I'll run her off. Go dance with him." Sandra pushed on my arse until I nearly fell out of the chair and I grumbled, standing up. I swear to God, if one of them comes over and complains, Sandra best deal with them because I'll be going to my room and packing up.

I wiped my sweaty hands on the side of my dress as Theo held his hand out to me. I wasn't even there yet and I was shaking. I don't know how to do the whole relationship thing. Not without fucking it up immediately. I didn't want to fuck it up with Theo. Doing so would mean losing one of my best friends. He grabbed for my hand as soon as he could, taking a small step forward and spinning me in a circle on the edge of the dance floor, putting his hand on the small of my back as I came back to centre.

"Hey Beautiful."

"Hi." I swallowed, letting him lead our swaying along to the song playing in the background and I couldn't even tell you what it was. It wasn't a slow dance kind of song, I know that much.

"You looked like you were being lectured." I rolled my eyes and he chuckled.

"Did you enjoy your dance? I'm just gonna say, very big of me to not get jealous. Her dress is prettier than mine though." He laughed again as I tried to ease my own tension. He pushed my back into him a little more and it got harder to breathe.

"Relax Morgan." I couldn't. My chest hurts. "Want to hear a joke?"

"Sure." I nodded quickly.

"What do you call a pasta that doesn't have any friends?"

"I don't know."

"Guess."

"I'm not guessing Theo."

"Just guess." He grinned.

"An impasta."

"No but that's funny." His grip on my hand changed. "Ravilonely." I laughed. Throwing my head back for a second before coming back to him and shaking my head.

"That's terrible."

"I know." He nodded. "Absolutely horrendous. Made you laugh though."

"You tricked me."

"I don't think you understand what I'd do to see you laugh Morgan."

Theo could do this thing I'd never known anyone else be able to do with me. He could have me so engaged in a conversation that everything else in the world faded into nothing. It could literally be talking about paint colours and I'd probably be just an engaged in it as I was now, listening to him tell me about whatever he was talking to Cohen about earlier on. Something about Emerson and having kids throwing you through loops or whatever. He chuckled.

"What?"

"You're just so invested in this story that I'm just using to distract you from your mind a little."

"It's a good story." He shook his head again, looking up at the ceiling as I chuckled at him. "What? Don't tell a story if you don't want me to listen."

"I want you to listen."

"Then why are you complaining?" He rolled his eyes, still chuckling at me and it just made me laugh back. "I don't understand-"

"I love you Morgan."