larry oneshots (english version)

A little freak

Tears were welling up at the corners of Harry's eyes. His vision got blurry. The hand he held his pencil in started to shake and he had to move the sheets full of handwritten words away to not let his tears that rolled down his cheeks now, smudge the ink.

It was hard. It was hard and sure it was painful too. Writing about it, making a song out of it, someday maybe publishing it for everyone to hear made it feel more real. Harry hated how real it felt. But he just couldn't hold all of this inside him anymore.

She. It was her that he was writing about. And at the same time it was himself. His own self and she interfused. At some point it wasn't her anymore that he wrote about, he formed the words with the feelings that grew up in himself. And maybe it never was her that he wrote about, maybe the story around her was only there to make it seem more fictional, not real.

Because it scared Harry. Sometimes it scared him to be in the body he was in and it scared him how he felt about it. Sometimes it scared Harry to look at himself in the mirror and it scared him how he wished for things to be different. Sometimes it scared him to lay in bed late at night, alone with his thoughts and it scared him what those thoughts told him.

But what scared him the most was that he was alone in this whole thing. Alone, with no one to talk to about it, no open ear or heart who would let him break free for just a moment and get all of those scary things off his aching chest.

*

Tears were welling up in Harry's eyes again and his vision got blurry just like some years ago. But this time it wasn't hard. At least not that hard and not that painful. He felt something that made his chest swell, swell with pride. It was still her he was writing about. It was her and it was himself; because he was her. A little freak.

There was no fear this time, only pride. Pride and acceptance. And there was another person. The person he needed all this time. The one who always made his chest ache less when he was only brushing his fingers.