Heart's desire

14

Sufiya POV:

How could I do this to my own daughter. All these years I thought what I was doing was for good, but I was only torturing her. I should've thought of her in all these situations instead of what others will say. I didn't think it would cause this big of a problem. What kind of mother have a become. No wonder she hates me, she should hate me, I caused all this and now I need to fix it. Even if she doesn't consider me her mother after all this. I still need to talk to her.

"Sufiya all this happened and you have never said a word to me about it, how could you" Akbar says.

"I know what I did is wrong. I just couldn't tell you. It was so wrong of me" I started to cry, letting my head rest in my hands.

"You of all people should've understood her, instead you did what your own mother did to you. Why" he asks me.

I don't know why I did it. I felt like this was the right way to deal with it. Yes my mother treated me the same way but in the end she engaged me to a nice guy, who's sitting right in front of me. He understood my pain and we got through it. That's what I was trying to do for her, but it ended badly. I feel horrible for even taking this road, I should've shared her pain.

"I was projecting my past on her. Something that I never should've done. I wish I can go back and fix all my mistakes but it's too late now" I say, feeling like I let down my daughter. More like destroyed her.

I always said I will not turn out like my mother, but that's exactly who I've turned into. I hate it. I hated her. I hate myself. I hate who I have become. "Such a dishonor" You're the dishonor Sufiya. You couldn't even treat your daughter as your own. You made her hate you.

"Sufiya, what you did is wrong, but it's not too late. She's your daughter, just talk to her. See what she says" he says to me. Holding my hand he, he reaches it up to give it a light kiss.

"I know I have to talk to her. I'm scared, I won't be able to look at her with this guilt" I say.

"Let me call her. I know you can do this. Don't let yourself think you can't" he says.

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Syra POV:

Haider caresses my hand gently and whispers soothing words into my ear. Looking up at him I admire his features and how gentle he is with me. I know without him there's no way I could've gotten through this. His eyes glisten and twinkle from the lights reflection. I wish I could stay in this peace forever. But nothing in my life has ever been peaceful. My life's like a ongoing tornado that just swirls around destroying anything in the way.

"Syra your mother wants to talk to you" Baba says, breaking me out of my peace. Like I said tornado.

Looking down at my hands I can already feel a panic attack coming through. I don't think I'll be able to go through this. It's a lot. What if even after everything that I had said, she decides to take Haider away from me. My only peace in this house. It'll be gone.

"Hey Hey you'll be fine. I'll be right there, there's nothing to worry about okay" he says giving me the motivation to get up.

"Okay" he questions, knowing I'm still thinking of all the negative outcomes that are possible.

"Okay" I say giving him a small smile to know that I'll be alright.

As we walk down the hall, heading towards Ma's room. I stat to panic again. I wonder what she has to say. First she wants to kick us out and tell us to leave, and now all of a sudden she's ready to talk.

Her bedroom comes into view and I see Ma sitting on the bed. She looks tired and her eyes look like she's been crying. I hate this sight of her.

"Syra can I talk to you alone please" she says, in other words she wanted me to kick Haider out the room.

"Yes" I say and turn around to tell Haider with my eyes that I'll be fine and there's nothing to worry about.

"I'll be right out side when you need me" he says, giving my hand one last squeeze.

"Syra beta come sit here" Ma says, right after the door closes shut.

I take small strides and sit myself on the edge of the bed so I don't melt from her closeness. I know I'm sensitive and just one touch will make me cry and tell her it's alright, but I need to be strong and take my stance. I can't let her make me feel weak again.

"Beta first I want to say sorry for my actions. what I did to you and how I acted was horrible. No mother does that to their daughter. I'm horrible for that" she says.

"Ma what happened in the past is over. It was the past. I just can't have you sending Haider away from me please. He means a lot to me. I never had anyone understand me the way he does. He makes my feelings feel valid. You need to know that I love him and he loves me" I say. I honestly don't care about how she acted in the past. It's over and nothing can be done about it now, but she can still change and fix the mistake she's making with Haider.

"Even if you have forgotten about the past. I can't forget how I treated you. I'm no mother. I want to tell you something but this is no excuse for how I acted. I just need you to know that I feel sorry and why I did what I did" Ma says.

She explains how her mother treated her the same and she went through abuse the same way I did. She goes onto explaining how she found Baba and he understood her and he made her feel loved.

"I was projecting my insecurities on you, and I'm sorry that i made you feel like you were at fault. You were never wrong. I was wrong. You just wanted a mother that cared for you and instead of giving you that I have become into my own mother who didn't give me any love. I promise I will be better, I'll even go to therapy to get better so I don't harm others. I will love you with everything I have but please forgive me" she cries breaking my heart. I never knew she went through all that and kept it a secret.

"I see the way you and Haider look at each other. It's pure love and I will never take that away from you guys" she says.

"Ma, you are my mother. No matter how you treat me I will never stop loving you. Yes I was hurt by the way you treated me but I never hated you" I say hugging her and showing her that I'm not mad at her.

"I promise I will do my best to give you everything you want. I won't ever turn into that version of myself again" she says.

I hug her tighter to show her it's okay and I don't hate her.

She's everything to me. Even though she had treated like nothing before. It's the fact that she realizes her mistakes and is willing to work things out now. I will always love her forever no matter what.

"Haider" Ma calls out and the door slings open so fast that we both get shocked.

"Yes Ma you called" he says in a hurry to know what had happened behind the closed door.

We both laugh at him and he smiles knowing that the outcome is good.

"You both have my blessings and we will get you guys married as soon as possible" she says putting her hands on our head.

We both have the biggest smile plastered on our face. I couldn't stop the grinning that kept appearing on my face.

"Let me go announce the good news" Ma says as she rushes out the room.

I look over to see Haider smirking at me and giving me his usual eyes that make my stomach erupt in butterflies.

"Stop" I say laughing as I bump my shoulder with his.

"What I'm just looking at my wife" he says bumping his shoulder back with mine.

"Not your wife yet, so calm your horses" I say bumping his shoulder back but harder this time.

"Wife or not, you're still mine" he says bumping our shoulders a lot harder this time.

Blushing I bump our shoulders hard that he tumbles back and slips, landing on the floor. Laughing I run away from him. Looking behind my shoulder I see that he's already up and started chasing after me and if I don't run fast enough he'll attack anytime. Our laughter echo on the top floor as we run around chasing one another.