Dire {h.s.}

22

Ava Manakova

I can't sleep, the images of my friends' lifeless bodies piled into that van haunting my mind at every moment I close my eyes. The memories I've had with them, the conversations, the times I've counted on them to distract me from reality all vanish into the truth of what is, that they are all dead.

After Harry left me in the bathroom, I found the courage within myself to stand from the cold tile floor and go upstairs to my bedroom. I took a long and hot shower, trying to clean myself up from throwing up earlier and my own tears. I brushed my teeth over and over again, but I swear I can still taste the vomit.

I'm in bed now, it's not even late, but I know I don't want to go back down there. I remember hearing Louis say they're all being buried tonight, and if I see that, I think It'll just be too detrimental. I hope Zayn is okay, I don't know him well enough, not that I want to, he's a part of those who are keeping me here. But when he saw Jade's lifeless body, I know his heart shattered. He loved her, and even though I never got clarification to even know if that's right, I know from the way he cried for her. The way he called out her name at the sight of the van. That was someone he loved, and even though I have yet to experience love, that feeling isn't unrecognizable.

Screw this.

I flip the covers off of myself and get out of bed, seeing no purpose in trying to sleep when it's just a nightmare waiting for me behind my eyes. I walk over to the door and decide to go on a walk in the hall, maybe the dim lighting will make me sleepy and actually fall into a sleep filled with no disturbance.

However, when I open the door, the hall is dark. And the only means of light comes from the small crack under Harry's bedroom door.

Don't. He left you alone, he's horrible.

But then another part of me yearns for me to knock, to ask him why he left me, to see if he's in the mood to distract from my horrid thoughts. I get closer to his door, feeling my heart beat faster and so loud, I can hear it through my ears. What if he yells at me again? What if I anger him once more and he snaps, he could easily kill me with just his hand, and yet, I am willingly putting myself at risk of danger standing in front of his door with my fist hovering next to it, ready to knock.

I take a deep breath before doing it, hearing my fist knock quietly against the wood of his door. I hear shuffling from the other side of it, before the handle moves down and the door opens to a crack. Harry's illuminated face from the dim lights in his room comes into view within the space of the crack he's made, his once green eyes now a shade of darkness that I can't see in this hall. They widen at the sight of me, probably not expecting to see me at his door after the bickering we've had in the bathroom earlier.

"What?" he asks, annoyed. Of course, his arrogance is easy to spot in his voice, and I can detect it quickly.

But for some reason, I ignore his cruelness.

"I can't sleep." I admit softly, "I'm afraid to be alone right now."

A part of me wants to be ashamed for even admitting it to him, but another part of me knows it's the right thing to do. Honesty will get you far, but in my case, it will only get me to not be alone for the night, or at least until I can try and fall asleep without the haunting images of dead bodies and the man who assaulted me.

He stares at me in silence, probably very confused as to why I'm coming to him with this problem. This isn't his problem, and I know that he knows it too. But a part of me believes that something in him will tell him to not shut me out again.

Siently, Harry widens the space of the door and steps out of the way for me to come in. Stepping inside, he shuts the door softly after me and watches me walk into the middle space of the floor. I turn to look at him, thanking him silently with the look I give him.