My diary

Break(up??)

Wow
What a few months I had...
It started on our 6th month anniversary. Mutually decided we won't do anything since we were busy with classes.

I wish him in the class cause we both forgot what day it was.
He gets visibly sad and depressed.
I ask him what's wrong, says nothing... me an overthinker, assumes it's something I did.

We get in a fight a few days later, turns out he is struggling alot with his mental health and "lost that spark" with me. I try to be supportive, say that it's okay and I'll be with him, he isn't alone, but we are through. He cries, I cry, more time later we finally confess our love. Things start getting better. We go for a movie.

I fuck up, I told him I desire for boobs as well (im bi, he knows) what should have been joke that ends here, escalated with me saying some pretty stupid stuff and losing his trust completely.

He makes valid points that we cna joke abt cheating on each other and if it's an open relationship.

I say no, i feel awful and dumb to lose everything.

During the time we said Ily for the 1st time and now, both my best friends have stopped responding, one due to her family problems and one cause he blocked me, as ordered by his gf.

My grades have dropped.

The next morning (the day I'm writing this) Dad finds out abt my marks, asks abt marks of my friend group, I tell his name and his are worst than me.

In a rage I text him more awful stuff and now we are on a break again.

Not sure what to do now, i feel empty.