healing | drarry

fifty-one

~no pov

Harry was freaking out. First of all, he'd seen what he did to Draco and it was so much worse than he expected. He had been thinking that Draco had one singular scar on his chest for months, and now he knew that there were more, lots more. And there were scars on Draco's wrists, and cuts too.

He was freaking out.

He didn't know what to do. He gave Draco a day of space and when he came back the man was gone. Gone completely. His cupboard was missing a few things, the suitcase Harry had noticed a while back was gone and everything had been left untouched and had been for two days.

And then, when Harry tried to check up on Draco again, the living room was torn apart and there were shattered bottles of alcohol scattered across the floor. The window was missing the glass that should've been there and cigarette butts were on the balcony floor. 

So, naturally, Harry repaired everything and waited, knowing Teddy was safe with his two best friends. He waited for two hours in the cleaned-up living room before eventually giving up and leaving, the only evidence he was there being the little note he left on the fixed coffee table.

i'm not judging you for what i saw. please talk to me. 

"So, I walked in on him changing and his entire chest was fucking scarred because of me, because of what I did to him in sixth year. And his arm- the Mark- it was completely fucked up. Like, cuts, scars- and it was dark as fuck. That means he hates it. And he does fucked up shit to himself because of how much he hates it."

"Are you judging him?"

"Are you mad? Of course not. I used to fucking cut myself too, I wouldn't judge him for doing the same. I cut myself for years. Fuck knows how long he's been doing it, but it looked like a long time."

"The Sectumsempra scars. You told me a while back that he said there was only one."

"He lied, obviously."

"And that makes you feel...?"

"Like shit. He tried to protect me by lying because he knew I'd feel guilty- which I do. I feel so fucking bad it's unbelievable. I don't think I've ever felt so guilty in my life. You should've seen it, Etheria, it was bad. Like, you know those donuts with drizzled caramel on top? It was like that, except the drizzled caramel was barbed wire."

"Interesting analogy. But I can imagine it, and it seems bad, but you didn't know what the spell was going to do. You were young, panicked and a little bit stupid, but you didn't mean to hurt him and you made it up by saving his life. In doing so, Narcissa saved your life. You made it up to him. It's not your fault."

"It is my fault, Etheria. You don't get it because you've never hurt anyone- you're too good for that."

"I've hurt people, Harry. There's a reason I got into therapy and it's not pretty, but I'm making up for the way I hurt someone and you've done the same. You've physically helped Draco after his anxiety attack."

"Wait, what'd you do?"

"I told my best friend I hated her on a night where I didn't realise she was incredibly vulnerable. It was that night that she tried to kill herself and succeeded. I've come to understand that it wasn't my fault, that a lot of other reasons caused it too. And I'm making up for it by saving other people from doing the same."

"I think she'd be proud of you." 

"Thank you, Harry. Now back to you and Draco. What happened after you saw him?"

"He shouted at me and locked himself in the bathroom and I took the kids for breakfast."

"You left him there after seeing his arm cut up?"

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds bad, but my main priority was our kids. They needed feeding and I made sure Scorpius would be with Draco when we got back. But then they both disappeared off the face of the earth. And I'm scared I'll never see them again, because Draco went seven years without being found; I know he can do it again."

"But he has a kid now, and that kid loves your kid. I think he'll come back eventually because of the kids."

"I know. But what if he doesn't? I saw something he never wanted anyone to see. If the roles were reversed and he saw me like that, I know I'd have a fucking breakdown and probably move to Paris."

"Forever?"

"Not forever. I'd come back for Teddy, but also because I love Draco."

"You love him?"

"Oh. I didn't realise I said that. I don't know, honestly. I've been spending so much time with him and I think of his son as my own. I wouldn't mind starting a life with him, living with him, being with him forever. Is that love?"

"I can't tell you what love is, Harry. What I can tell you is that this relationship of yours is incredibly important and you can't stop trying to fix it. You told me you were going to help Draco a while back. Now's your chance. Will you?"

"I want to. Should I?"

"I can't encourage it, but if you think you're capable of doing so-"

"I am. I can help him, I know I can. He can be my support system and I can be his."

"Or maybe you could send him here. I know who he is and he can talk about all the stuff he can't talk to a muggle therapist about. And I'd never judge him for his past."

"I know you wouldn't, but I'm scared for him. He's terrified of talking about the past. We've only spoke a little of it, but I know it scares him. And talking about magic is a sensitive subject for him, since he can't do it anymore. Anything about the Wizarding World bothers him because that's his home and he can't be there anymore."

Etheria smiled as Harry spoke. It was clear to her that there was love between Harry and Draco. She couldn't wait to hear about the day one of them finally makes a move.