healing | drarry

fifty-two

i love therapy chapters even tho ive never been in therapy so idk what its like

should be in therapy but whateva

anyways i like therapy chapters cuz its pure dialogue 

~no pov

"So what do you plan on doing? Are you going to go looking for him?"

"No, that'd be useless. People looked for him for a year before giving up. He lasted seven years being unnoticed. I only found out he was still alive because of Teddy and Scorpius."

"So how do you plan on helping?"

"I'm going to keep going over to his place. Last week, he'd torn apart his living room during a mental breakdown, and he did it again the other day. I think that's how he handles his emotions, but clearly he can't do that wherever he's staying right now. So I'm gonna hope that I end up finding him when he apparates back home."

"You do realise you might end up just wasting a lot of time by doing so?"

"But what if I get lucky and find him?"

"It's not completely useful, but sure, I guess you can break into his house every now and then to see if you catch him there."

"It's not breaking in. It's just... looking out for him in his house using magic to get there."

"Harry."

"In the name of love?"

"Still breaking in."

"Whatever. I'm genuinely really worried for him, Etheria. Being a parent shifts you into a different focus, and you're less ready to hurt yourself drastically because you're responsible for a whole human being. But I don't think he's okay at all, and what if he does hurt himself badly? What if he goes too far?"

"I don't think he will. I think Scorpius will ground him enough to realise he can't do anything too bad. You told me he loves Scorpius enough to put the kid first. I think he'll put his son first."

"But- I went too far." 

"And you stopped completely because of that." 

"But I almost died. I almost died and the only reason I'm still here and clean is because I had friends who found me and took care of Teddy whilst I recovered. I stopped because I had someone to focus on, but it took me almost dying to get there."

"And I'm proud of you for stopping."

"Etheria, I'm very sure that Draco is isolated right now, except from Scorpius. If he hurts himself- if he goes too far, Scorpius won't be able to help. He'll be stuck with the trauma of finding his dad dying, and it's likely that Draco will end up dead."

"Harry, in the nicest way possible, I think you're overthinking this."

"I know. I'm just scared."

"That's okay. Tell me what you're gonna do if you end up finding Draco."

"Well, first, I'm gonna make sure he doesn't fucking run away from me again. Then, I'm gonna ask him to talk to me, because he says he talks to people, but if he did, I wouldn't have seen his arm covered in cuts. I'm gonna try to convince him to talk to me and let me help him, and hopefully that'll work."

"If it doesn't?"

"I'll kidnap Scorpius and tell Draco he has to stop running and start trying to get better or he'll never get his kid back."

"Really?"

"No. Not really. I'll try something though, anything that I can think of in the moment. I really want him to get better."

"Why is that so important to you, Harry?"

"Because- because I grew up without someone caring about me. I grew up struggling alone and I hated it. I know how it feels to be in pain and have no one to help you, so I'll be damned if Draco goes through the same thing. It's hard as a child, because there isn't much to do about it, but worse as an adult, because it's easier to seek help as an adult. And if he isn't, it must be bad."

"You don't want him to feel the way you did?"

"I wouldn't want anyone to. Well, Umbridge is an exception. But, jokes aside, I genuinely wouldn't wish that loneliness on anyone. It's suffocating, you know? Feeling like shit and having no one to confide in. Or having people and not feeling like you can tell them."

"Do you think there's a specific reason why he hasn't confided in you?"

"I don't think, or well, I hope it isn't personal. I think it's just that little part of you that thinks, look how well you're hiding it, why don't you keep trying and see how long you can go? Or that part that goes, talking to people is useless and they'll just laugh or use it against you and you should never trust anyone."

"So, trust issues?"

"And the first bit. The first bit is very important. The competitiveness of being mentally ill is so fucking frustrating, and I really think people don't talk about it enough."

"Not publicly. You're not alone in that feeling."

"You mean I'm not the only insane person who thought I should try and see how far I could go without anyone finding out and/or dying?"

"Yes. There's a chance that Draco feels the same. If you two can find common ground, it'll be easier for him to confide in you. I think sharing with him will encourage him to share with you."

"So I should have a therapy session with him?"

"Well, at this point, our therapy sessions are just biweekly ranting sessions."

"And I appreciate it. If I didn't have you to listen to my problems, I'd go insane. Ron and Hermione probably would too."

"I like listening, Harry. You're doing me a favour by letting me know that I'm helping you."

"Your friend's death wasn't your fault, you know?"

"Harry, the comforting is my job. Besides, I've worked through that a long time ago."

"Just because you've worked through it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt every now and then."

"Please, Harry, remember, I'm the therapist. But that's a good point, and you make sure to tell me when things from the past hurt. Especially with the-"

"Please don't."

"You come to me that day, okay? I've got no booked appointments that day, and if you're hurting, I want to see you. You make sure you see me, alright?"

"I think I'll be okay this year. As long as I find Draco before then."

"You keep me updated. If you don't find him by then, promise me you'll see me that day. I don't want a repeat of what happened four years ago."

"Etheria, you have to stop bringing that up. It was a one-off."

"Was it?"

"That's not important."

"It's always important, Harry."

i thought i made the name etheria up but apparently not

also the 'in the name of love?' 'still breaking in' was copied from my fav chapter in pending where draco and hermione talk about kidnapping 'in the name of love'

read this back and realised i was projecting a little bit lol

i have no shame in trauma dumping in my books 

u guys obviously relate if ur reading them !