The words that aren't said

Oh Dear Diary

Oh dear diary,
I've got so many things to say;
Oh dear diary,
I've got so much to tell
but nobody
to cherish my words and tears.

Oh dear diary,
thought I should speak to my mom
but not a day goes by without me angering her about this or that;
Not a single day
without her telling me that
I could do better;
Not a single day,
without me listening to all the things
I should have done differently;

Oh dear diary,
thought I could speak to my mom
but we no longer share the bond
like we quite used to...
She thinks it's me who has changed while I think it's her,
but then again
she only wants me to stay as
her little princess forever,
While I want her to always
be my cool mom who'd never be annoyed by me,
perhaps angry but never annoyed,
the one who's my safe spot for any and everything;
But unfortunately,
things change and people do too.

Oh dear diary,
thought I should speak to
my older brother
but
he's just gonna side with mom with a casual, "I always defend your case but you're way out of line this time," thrown my way.

Oh dear diary,
thought I could speak to
my older brother
because he's always been my
top role model
but I just can't stand seeing him
upset with me
because if he's disappointed in me
I'd be too.

Oh dear diary,
thought I'd speak to my dad,
but well,
forgoing beautifully articulated words and putting it bluntly, he's dead.
Seven years and I've given up on creating a fake reality in which he's always beside me,
But I can't stop wondering just how different it would be if he was still around...
If you too think
I'm frequently in wrong,
I'm sorry father for disappointing you when you'd always believed
I'd forever be your pride.

Oh dear diary,
thought I'd speak to my friends,
But they've all got battles of their own
Oh dear diary,
Thought I'd speak to my friends
but I'm just a
closed-up troublesome individual
and they don't deserve to be burdened by my problems too.

Oh dear diary,
Thought I'd make a daily entry,
And get the weight off my chest but I gave up on the idea before it could even completely form;
for I'm not skilled at
confronting my feelings,
I'd rather be in denial and ravish the sweet fruit of ignorance.

Oh dear diary,
Thought I'd speak to myself
And do a lil' magic of self-counseling
But I'm not the best company,
When my brain tells me that it's just a dumb teenage phase and I'm probably at fault....

Oh dear diary,
I know my family only has
my best interests at heart
and would do anything to make me happy....
Oh dear diary,
I know I might not be at my best behaviour and they're worried for me
But I just want to be held close and told it's okay and I'm doing good.
Oh dear diary,
I know it's probably for my best but I just can't take
any more reprimands...

Oh dear diary,
I'm stressed out and hurt
And
I've finally admitted and accepted that after four years of denial;
Oh dear diary,
I'm stressed and constantly having a breakdown and there's nothing I can do about it....

~G.V.C
;))

AN: I don't really like this one but well screw it.
(I am in my hoe era and honestly I am enjoying it🤧)

Tell me what you think about it and don't forget to vote, comment and share.

Peace out ✌🏼
<3