The Work Wife

Getaway Car

I wake up around noon on Sunday with one thought pulsing through my mind. Chase Michael Camden is marrying Ainslee Elizabeth Weiss today, and I need to figure out if I can handle hearing all about it or search Indeed for a new job. 

I lie there, imagining Chase and me huddled together in the conference room, gossiping and having to hear about his married life. Could I fake it? Could I eventually not care? I lie staring at my ceiling, debating whether I should pull my laptop out and search for event planning companies in Denver or suck it up and learn to live with it.

Also, did I want a new job at a new company? Chase gave me free rein for the most part, Eloise was the best second in command I have ever worked with, and Havicore is the largest event planning company in Colorado. I've negotiated my salary twice and didn't want to take a pay cut or a new job title. My office view was of the mountains slicing through the low red-brick historical buildings, and I had parking in the same building. 

Eloise always makes sure the kitchen is stocked with snacks, and Chase has lunch brought in three times a week. I have it made at Havicore. Did I want to throw all that away because my boss's wife is the absolute worst?

I finally kick the covers off and avoid checking my phone. I exited the bridesmaid chat before I went to bed, since nothing in that conversation now pertains to me. It was nice not to hear text messages buzzing all night. 

I know I need to fill Emma in on everything since she's going to wonder why I am not covering the wedding on Instagram, but I wasn't ready to talk to her. I wasn't sure if she'd encourage me to leave Havicore or if she'd tell me to suck it up and remember my paycheck. 

I know there's going to be new boundaries set between us, and our work dynamic is going to be different. My perspective on him has changed, so I can't imagine we'll be able to go on like we have for the last three years.

I make myself a large pot of black coffee to sip on as I stare through my kitchen window, agonizing over what to do today. I still technically have today and tomorrow off, so I really have two days to find my big girl panties and make a decision.

Once my first cup has gone down, I set my mug on the counter and decide to go for a run. I haven't gone for a jog around the lake that sits near my house since Ainslee's bridal shower, and today seems like a good day to burn off some anxious energy. Just put some earbuds in and run.

I quickly dress in running shorts and a billowy tank top as it's almost as hot as it was in Mexico and swoop what I can of my short hair into a ponytail. I slide large sunglasses on and then tuck music into my ears. I hop down my front steps and then dash toward the lake across the street.

Luckily, since it's hot, only a few dog walkers and fellow joggers are circling the gravel path around the shimmering water. I don't have to dodge too many walkers, and I allow myself to run until my chest is on fire. 

I focus on the music and force all thoughts of Havicore, Chase, Ainslee, and Logan from my mind. I needed a day to reset, and I couldn't if I was thinking about whether they liked my flower arrangements. Or if Ana remembered the glittery candles I left. I also had to not think about the walking order now that they were a girl short, or if Chase's parents remembered to bring a photo of his deceased grandparents to set on the empty chair in the front row. These things no longer mattered to me. I had to not fret over whether the bridesmaids remembered a steamer.

I see a couple holding hands as they stare out at the murky water, and I shove all my mixed feelings into a small box and attempt to throw it in the lake. I can't think about how it felt to hold Logan's massive hand. Or how our eyes sparkled when they met. I also do not want to think of how easy it was to talk to him and how his fingers felt in my hair. The more I think of him, and how instant our connection was, the more I think I fucked up. Yes, maybe it was a little bit of insta-love, but that doesn't make it wrong. Maybe he was dropped into my life exactly when I needed him. Maybe there is a way we can date and just avoid Chase. Just wait until it's not such a sore subject before discussing the best plan of action.