Against My Will

Against My Will - Chapter 5

Nick's P.O.V

"you didn't barge in" i said and she kept looking down to her feet "what did you hear?" i said again

she didn't reply...i held her hand and her focus turned to me

"please just--" i spoke

"i don't want to do it, i don't want to ruin your career." she spoke firmly

"look i think you're a--"

"a great person with a great personality blah blah blah, you don't have to fake sweet talk to me."

"i wasn't gonna say that, swears"

i don't why but she laughed and looked at the sky...

there was something unique about her, the way that she looks to things is so captivating.

it's like she's taking her time to clarify things correctly.

"so what do you say?" she said

"what do you mean?" i asked

"well, from Philip's tone during the phone call to you i can pretty much tell that he isn't backing down."

"you noticed that too?"

"yeah, he uses this tone when he's sure about things, you know what i mean?"

i didn't speak for a while then she looked at me and smiled then i laughed.

"look i hate to look like the stupid guy so tell me" i said laughing

"what i meant is that he uses that tone when he knows that things will work out. he fights and defense using that tone when he's sure of winning!"

"so what do you say? you think we should do this?"

"how about we start off as friends? i don't care if we do it or not but as long as we have respect for each other, maybe we can work this situation out?"

"how old are you again?"

-we both shared a laugh-

somehow i felt like a little kid in a pre-school who just speaks to another kid and boom we're best friends, she made me feel like that.

we stayed up there talking about random things till it was 6 am.

"oh look the sunrise!" she said pointing to the sky

we stood there both of us admiring the beautiful view in front if us.

after the moment was over, it started getting cold so i suggested to climb down the ladder and sit in my car which was below us.

she went first then i went after her, we sat in the backseat of the car, still admiring the view.

you can still spot some pretty faded stars in the sky.

after a while, we continued our conversation...

she told me about her mother, what she wants to pursue in her life, i told her about my dreams and hopes in life and she seemed amazed by my words but after that i spoke the wrong words...she turned the other cheek.

she told me how her mothers was drunk the whole time, how she was rarely home and how grandpa took care of her..

"well your mother was your only guidance? what about your father where is he?"

i said those words and i could tell her face went to a phase of hurt and despair

"Jazz?" i said as i put my hand on her shoulder

"i'm tired, i wanna go to sleep befor---"

"Jazz."

"look i can't really talk about it."

"why not?!"

"because..."

"because?"

"because it's personal and complicated!"

"i just told you some of the most complicated issues in my life! you can trust me! i swear you can."

she still remained silent, i held her hand in mine and squeezed then i saw a tear falling from her eye to her cheek

"can you just --" she stuttered then started crying, i found her hugging me and burring her face into me.

i felt like she was afraid or ashamed of something.

i felt like it was like my duty now to protect her but she didn't let me in? i understand that everyone got their insecurities but we're soon to be husband and wife and we must learn how to treat each other in a respectful way at least.

"it's okay you don;t have to tell me now." i said rubbing my hand on her back thinking maybe it'll make her feel better

she let go of me and apologized then excused herself to go to bed.

i guess maybe it's so hurtful that she can't talk about or maybe she doesn't trust me yet? i have no clue but for me i feel like i can trust her, she's trust-worthy.

after a while i went to my room, i still couldn't sleep.

somehow i found myself in front of the keyboard with a pen and paper.

i don't know why but Jazz inspired me to write a few lines...

"so can we just slow down while you make this mistake

just slow down so my heart don't break.

Sitting in the car and it's 2 am,

i'm holding her like this will never end. i try..

i try to hide my tears.

Quarter to three and she's got to leave,

a last goodbye and a kiss on my cheek."

somewhere in my mind these lyrics came out.

she amazed me with her words. she literally wonderstrucked me.

i started to feel something inside...could this be love?

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that was chapter 5, hope you like it :)x

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