Against My Will

Against My Will - Chapter 6

Nick's P.O.V

it's been 3 days since Jazz and grandpa had been with us, they said they might leave tomorrow.

grandpa opened up the "marriage" topic again but this time with my father.

dad was pretty unhappy about it and i couldn't express my feelings anymore towards this situation then my mum found out and also wasn't happy about it.

my grandpa was pretty firm about his decision and none of my parents could speak after his words since he's our elder.

Kevin and Joe were also silent about this, their opinion wouldn't matter anyway.

all i could say is that the house was in pretty much chaos over this.

On the other hand, Jazz was out of sights as she didn't want to face all this and i understand her situation. for a while my mum was convinced that it was Jazz's idea but she doesn't know the truth like i do.

which is that she's trapped with me in this situation.

"i bet she's the one who put this into grandpa's head" my mother spoke firmly"you should've made a stop for this once you found out that he has been living with a teenager with such reckless ideas Kevin." she kept going and going about how we should've let grandpa live with a teenager...."her mother was a drug dealer for god's sakes!"

"mother stop!" i shouted as i got frustrated from all those things that were said about her "she's not like that, not even close to what's in your minds!"

"why are you defending her?" asked Joe

"look--"

"do you love her?" my mother asked confronting me

"WHAT?"

" do you love her?" she repeated with that 'must answer' tone

i looked down with my confused emotioned heart "no but i know her enough to know that what all you're saying is nothing but lies."

"Nick you're not marrying this girl and that's final! or what? you've forgot about Delta? or should i remind you of your girlfriend?"

"mum, Delta and i are not together anymore! it's just going on for the press and i'm pretty sure that you know that!"

everyone got quiet for a second, unable to think of a solution for this situation.

i left the room when no one had anything to say, i went to Jazz's room to find it empty.

"she ain't there" said Frankie

"are you watching her?"

"maybe."

"just go do your homework Frankie"

i left again and searched everywhere but she was out of sight then it hit me, the roof.

i went to the exact same spot where we had our first proper conversation, the roof.

i climbed up the ladder to find her in the exact same place she was sitting before, she was meditating the view, the pretty stars and the sky.

"you're here" i said and she turned her focus on me "i had a pretty strong feeling that you'd be here."

she didn't answer me.

"why are you here? haven't seen you all day?"

she still remained silent

"look i know that you're probably afraid of what they're saying and what they will they say but don't panic, everything is gonna be alright."

"i heard your mother say that i'm the daughter of a drug dealer."

my eye gazed at her words, i never thought that they'd actually be hurtful until i heard them coming out of her mouth.

"when my mum was pregnant in me she lied to my father about my gender, she told him that she didn't know what my sex was well in fact she did, she hid it from him because my father is an old tradition-ed man who only wants to have boys." she stopped then looked at the sky again.

"the day i was born, my father left us cause my mother lied to him.'

"what kind of a man--"

"no stop! he maybe cruel but he's my father after all."

"did you try and contact him?"

"when i was 14, i kept begging my mum for her to make me see him but she refused, i collected some information about him and searched for him online. when i found him, i ditched school, took the bus and went for the address, i found that he got married to another woman, had 3 boys from her and he doesn't even know about me, technically i don't exist to him."

i couldn't find the words to say after what she said, i was literally speechless.

"I've been alone for almost half of my life so what makes you think that you could do me right?."

"Don't let them get inside of your head! you're better than that! they don't know the truth!"

"my world is black and white while yours is full of colours and people who love you! huh so welcome to my silly life!"

"Jazz---"

"all my life i've been running and hiding from poeple's talks and pointy fingers. do you know what's it like to walk into a room where everyone doesn't know who you are even though you've been with them in classes for over 6 years! i never let people see me cry but you did! i can't believe i even let you see me cry!" *she started tearing up*

"it's not bad when you express your feelings"

"yeah but not strangers"

"i ain't a stranger, don't ever say that again!"

i hugged her and she buried her head inside of my chest from crying.

i hummed softly for her and she let go with her wiping her tears away.

i reached my hand for her cheek to wipe one last drop of watery tear and she flinched with my touch.

"you should never be ashamed of expressing your feelings, some people are unable of doing that and they anguish everyday."

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So that was chapter 6, hope you'd like it xx

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