Against My Will

Against My Will - Chapter 15 "Give me love" (FINAL)

It's been 8 months since our wedding night where he let me sleep on the bed and he crashed on the couch, it's been 8 months since we've been under the same roof and no one knows the truth, it's been 4 months with him and I still look at him the same way I did years ago, with affection and unconditional love from a fan to an idol but that look didn't change and I don't think it'll ever change.

He's so charming that I believe he must be an angel cause no man would treat someone like that with so much care and kindness, he's going on tour soon and I don't know what will I do once he's gone, my relationship with his family..I mean our family hasn't changed much, I still don't hangout with them I just cook and help Frankie with his homework and chill with Philip.

I'm kinda scared to open up to Denise or Danielle or anyone that matters just Frankie and Philip. Danielle on the other side had a beautiful baby girl just the most adorable-est in the world, if that's even a word! They named her Alena Rose the first baby Jonas, I could never forget the way Philip said "Can't wait to hold your first born just hope I could live to see him or her" Nick didn't say anything me on the other hand was freaking out inside! A BABY? with Nick? Us together in that impassable state? Is he out of his mind? He sure is cause right now at the moment I'm sitting on a bed in a doctor's clinic ready to be tested for baby tests just to be sure that Nick and I could have children.

It's terrifying the idea of you sitting on a bed and getting examined for something you should be happy about but at the moment i wasn't that ecstatic about it cause it doesn't feel right, it feels mandatory! 

Having an intimate relationship is not an easy task, I wonder fondly how do people do the "friends with benefits" kinda thing? I mean for me, I can't even do it with my 'husband' properly...

*flashback to 4 months ago*

4 months since the wedding, me and him are sitting on the bed playing cards and just having fun well me mostly cause he sucks at this game

"when will you ever learn? I taught you like 1000 times!" I say to him laughing while he's pouting to me

"you don't teach properly" he teased me and we just laughed it off, I really enjoyed moments like this with him when he's here and not touring

I didn't notice the knock on the door I just found Philip in front of me "oh hey" I said in a hurry

"sorry to interrupt" he said, he looked quite upset "Philip are you okay?" I got up and led him to the couch to rest "sit down" i suggested

after he got settled he sighed "Are you okay? You don't seem fine" I asked but he didn't respond

"Hey it's not like us to hide stuff from each other" I rubbed my hand on his back to make him feel more comfortable

"I need to ask you guys for something" he finally said after minutes of silence 

Nick took a seat on the coffee table in front the couch "you know you can tell us anything, right?" he asked Philip and he nodded back to us

"May god forgive me for what I did to both of you" was the first thing that came out of his mouth and at that moment I knew it wasn't gonna end well

"I forced you in so many things but I need you to know that I was doing for you, I want to see you settled and have a family.." I stopped listening after I heard "family" oh my god I hope this is not what he's saying, I got lost and didn't hear what was he saying until I noticed how Nick got furious "Are you fucking kidding me?!" he shouted "watch you language young man" Philip gave him a warning "You can't do that to us, we did everything you asked to but this is...ugh..." He battled with for the words like a solider fighting the enemy "OVER THE LINE!" and we're back to the shouting "You can't just ask us to be parents and raise a child" Philip got all angry and stood up "well why the hell not?" I can see Nick's face getting redder by the second, I was so scared something might happen to any of them, Nick was pretty hurt by all I can tell...until his words hit me like a wrecking ball, it was the wake up call "because I don't love her" it flew right out of his lips that it felt like knives stabbing me in my most vulnerable spot, my heart.