Kind Crimson Eyes

Warmth

      Kaworu stands in the opposite corner and nonchalantly pulls off his shirt, exposing his pale, slender body. I immediately avert my gaze, feeling my ears and neck get hot as if he'd done something obscene.
      What is wrong with me? It's not like I haven't seen it before. We change into our Plug suits together all the time. Why is this any different?
      I force myself to pretend this is like any other day at Nerv and change into the slightly oversized pyjamas I was given.
      Kaworu is only a little taller than me, so the pants fit me lengthwise, but the waist is a little loose and needs to be tied. I haven't had much of an appetite these days.

      After we change, Kaworu turns off the light and climbs into bed. He flips the covers open and eagerly pats the spot beside him.
      "Are...are you sure you don't want me to sleep on the floor? Or...the couch?" I stammer, unsure.
     Kaworu shoots me a confused look. "What? Of course not. It's late, and I've got a perfectly good bed right here," he says matter-o-factly.
He sees absolutely no problem with me just climbing into bed with him. He's either completely oblivious and somehow still has his childlike innocence, or he knows exactly what he's doing. It's not that I'm reading way too into this, it it?
I choose to believe the former and swallow hard before climbing in next to Kaworu. I lie down and immediately turn my back to him, afraid to make any kind of eye contact.
The warmth of his body against my back feels incredible. I hadn't realized I was so cold until now. I'm always so numb.

      I half expect Kaworu to start questioning me on what I was doing up on the roof. It seems like the perfect opportunity to corner me. However, he says nothing. In fact, he says nothing at all for a very long while. I almost thought he'd fallen asleep, but he flips over onto his side and sighs.
"Goodnight, Shinji. I'm glad you're here," he murmurs.
      "Er...goodnight.." I whisper back.
      I still don't really know why I am here, but it's not the worst thing in the world...

      The lights from the city shine though the window, casting strange shapes on the wall and illuminating the dust in the air. It's a familiar sight. I see the same glow from my own bedroom window. Though, it doesn't feel quite the same without the sounds of Misato and Asuka arguing overtop of the television. It's too quiet.

As if he read my mind, Kaworu starts to quietly hum to himself. I'm immediately grateful for any kind of noise. I didn't have my headphones to listen to music and the silence was starting to make my skin crawl.
      He hums for a little while before I figure out the tune.
      Ode to joy.
      It's a strange song for a lullaby, but it's sort of calming. It doesn't take long for the exhaustion to overpower my anxiety enough to let me fall asleep, and I am out before Kaworu brings the song to an end.