ᴛʜᴇ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ᴡᴏᴍᴀɴ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛᴡᴏ

ɪ'ᴍ ᴛʀʏɪɴɢ

SOFIA

I open my eyes slowly, the world blurry around the edges. The sterile smell of the hospital fills my nostrils, and I wince as the gnawing pain from my abdomen draws a soft groan from me. A low hum of voices and the steady beep of the heart monitor is the only sound in the room.

How long was I out?

"Sofia," I hear Xavier's voice, full of warmth and something else I can't quite decipher. I shift my gaze, and there he is, holding a tiny bundle wrapped in a soft blue blanket. Our son. Overwhelming emotions flood me relief, joy, and a touch of fear.

"Hey," I whisper back, my voice hoarse. Xavier's eyes are bright, his smile wide. He looks proud and scared all at once.

"How... how long was I out?" I ask.

"After surgery, you didn't wake up. You slept through the night." He says to me.

I rub my forehead, and my eyes drift to Xavier's arms. He's cradling our baby gently, his large hands dwarfing the tiny form. I can't help but smile despite the stabbing pain.

"I want to hold him," I say, extending my arms as much as the pain permits.

I can't believe he's here. My little baby. Now that Jenna is finally gone, my baby and I are safe. I just want to hold him.

Xavier hesitates for a second, concern etched on his face, but then he carefully places the baby in my arms. As I look down at the tiny face, so delicate and new, my heart swells with awe and love.

"He's so beautiful, Xavier," I murmur, my voice filled with tenderness.

Xavier's smile widens, and he nods. "He is, Sofia. He's perfect, just like his mom..... I'm happy you're finally awake."

I blink back tears, overwhelmed by his words. But suddenly, our son opens his eyes and lets out a wail, a loud, piercing cry. The sudden sound startles me, and I involuntarily flinch, causing a sharp pain to shoot through my abdomen. I bite down on my lower lip, trying hard to keep the tears at bay.

"Shhh, it's okay, please don't cry..." I whisper, my voice trembling as I try to soothe him, but his cries only grow louder.

"Let me.." He says, and I look up at him. I nod hesitantly.

Xavier quickly reaches out, plucking him from my arms. "It's okay, Sofia. You're hurting. You need to rest," he says, his voice choked with concern.

I lie back on the bed, the pain slowly subsiding. "I'm sorry," I whisper, the guilt weighing heavy on my heart. "I just wanted to hold him..... to feel his warmth."

Xavier comes closer, his eyes filled with understanding. "You'll have plenty of time to hold him, Sofia. Right now, you need to take care of yourself. You've been through a lot."

I sigh and rub my face.

"What happened to Jenna?" I ask as Xavier places the baby in the bassinet. He tenses up and turns to me.

"Let's talk about this later, okay?" He says.

"Xavier -"

There was a knock at the door that interrupted our conversation.

"Come in." Xavier says, and a female doctor enters the room.

"Good morning, Sofia. I'm Dr. Brown," she greets me. "How are you feeling?"

"A bit sore, but I'm hanging in there," I reply, trying to sound stronger than I actually feel.

"That's normal after a C-section. Remember, it's major surgery. But soon, you'll be back on your feet." The doctor nods, her eyes focusing on the monitor beside me. "Your vitals look stable, which is a good sign. We'll continue to monitor your recovery."

"Thank you," I say, appreciating her concern. "I just want to get better so I can take care of my baby."

She nodded, taking a seat next to me. "I understand you're interested in breastfeeding?"

I nodded, a bit anxious. I had heard so much about the bonding it created and the health benefits for the baby. But with the C-section, I was worried it might be even harder.

Dr. Brown seemed to sense my unease. She patted my hand reassuringly. "Don't worry, Sofia. It's entirely possible and safe to breastfeed after a C-section. It might be a bit challenging in the beginning, but with time and practice, you and your baby will get the hang of it."

She continued, "You may want to start with the 'football hold' position. It will be less uncomfortable for your incision. Hold him at your side, under your arm. His back will rest on your forearm. Use your other hand to support your breast and guide it into his mouth."

She demonstrated with her hands, and I tried to picture it.

"Remember," she added, "your baby's mouth should cover more of the lower part of your breast, and your nipple should aim towards the back of her throat. This will help his latch on properly."

She paused, letting the information sink in. "And Sofia, try to relax as much as you can. Stress can interfere with your milk production. Don't hesitate to ask for help if you need it."

I felt a bit overwhelmed. Stress was the whole reason I was here. I was held at Gun Point, and yet I could still feel Jenna. Like she is right there.... waiting for me.

"Thank you, Doctor," I said, my voice choked with emotion.

She smiled kindly. "You're going to be a wonderful mother, Sofia. Remember, it's a learning process for both of you. Take your time."

With that, she stood up. "I'll leave you three now to have some privacy. If you need any help, just call a nurse."

"Thank you," I whispered again as she walked out, leaving me alone with Xavier and my son.

"Xavier, could you please hand me the baby?" I ask, extending my arms towards him.

Xavier looks at me with worry, but he carefully lifts our son from the bassinet and places him in my arms. I position him against my chest, hoping for that magical connection I've heard so much about.

But as I guide him towards my breast, he begins to cry. The sound cuts through me like a knife, and I freeze, filled with a sense of helplessness. I kept trying to hold him in the position the doctor talked about, but he wouldn't take it. I could feel Xavier's eyes on me.

"What am I doing wrong?" I whisper, my voice quivering.

Xavier's face shows concern as he reaches out to comfort both me and the baby. "It's okay, Sofia. Maybe he's just not hungry right now. I fed him earlier, so he's probably still full."

Tears well up in my eyes, frustration mingling with the pain. "But I want to nourish him, to provide for him. I feel like I'm failing as a mother."

Xavier places a gentle hand on my shoulder. "Sofia, you're not failing. It takes time, and we have a whole support system to help us figure this out."

I hand the crying baby back to Xavier, feeling defeated.

"Maybe we should try again later," I say, my voice barely a whisper.

Xavier nods, understanding etched on his face. "Of course."

I lie back on the bed, exhaustion seeping into my bones. As Xavier cradles our son, his tender murmurs soothe the baby's cries, but my own tears silently fall. I can't help but wonder if I'm cut out for this motherhood journey.

I want to be a good mother... I have to be.