Only In Your Dreams - Flowers from 1970 (concept idea)

Growing.

this new environment england brought me was this new begginning out of an environment that was once so warm in my heart, turned cold at the thought of it. my messy room refelected my mind a mess of negative thoughts. I couldn't think of that place as my home anymore or any longer, to run from it was my only choice to move on from the past. It's always been a struggle for me. but I think I'm finally doing it. this new beginning in England I thought would be a good distraction at first instead turned out even better. a way for me to grow as a person and heal over time. like a deep wound and Isabelle was my bandage.. aside from isabelle, I had more responsiblties after moving out. even if I didn't say it things felt all over the place, I needed to get my life in order and this was the perfect opportunity. England helped me realize just how bad of a place I was in mentally, and how I could learn from those terrible times to see how I wanted to change myself for the future. how I could strive to be my best version of myself. I was an irresponsible kid and in a matter of weeks I did a lot of thinking and soul-searching determining who I was and who I wanted to be, how I could continusly make myself better for the future. England gave me a lot to think about. when life is moving so fast around you and your stuck in the past you start to see the full picture. It all comes together like a puzzle.

I'd be lying if I said I was fully this new and improved me, I wasn't and it will take you and enteritity of experiences over time to really look back on all of them in order to see how you can be your best self but the whole importance of it all is learning how to accept it and being patient with your healing process, there will always be ups and downs through life and that's just what helps us in the end. though in the moment it may seem terrible it will all be over soon, and you will realize that you got through it with a whole knew way of seeing things now and this knowledge that will help you in the long run eventually and it really isn't all that bad.. cause it's just life.

I tried so hard to move on right away, I wanted the pain to go away instantly without having to go through the process of the pain. but after the rain, comes the rainbow. you have to go through it to learn to improve yourself. the easier things will be later on. trying to force myself to move on right away wasn't the right approach but it was a coping mechanism. another way to run from my fears but you have to face them. it will always be okay in the end. you will realize just how strong you were. It is impossible to get over George with the snap of a finger, but now that I acknowledge that it honestly made all the stress on my shoulders seem so much lighter.