Hot Starry Nights

4:5 ~ Nathaniel

  I don't know. I just . . . I really don't know. If I were to date him and things went sour, not only would I lose my partner, but I would lose my best friend.

  I turn over and look at Ward. He's sleeping peacefully, his arms around me and one leg over mine. Do I like him?

  I think so.

  I like his laugh, I like his smile. I like when he hugs me, or cuddles with me, even when I'm sick. I like how he's always supportive, and he trusts me. I like how he lets me cry on him, or with him. I feel safe with him, but is all of this platonic; just a best friend thing? Or are we more?

  I like the idea of dating him, I think. I like when he looks at me, and there's something there. In his eyes. Like he would do anything for me. Or am I mistaken?

  Love requires touch, doesn't it? To show your love? I don't mean cuddling, or hugging. I mean things like- wait- how would we even do it? We're both male. Shit- calm down, you're not even sixteen. Get those damned images out of your head. Fucking creep. Think of a turn-off. Dad. Hello father. You've been useful for once.

  Earlier, after I told him I didn't know, he suggested we go back to the house. Blake was washing the dishes when we got back, and didn't question the leaves in our hair, or on Ward's clothes. Or my puffy eyes. She just kept washing dishes, shutting the backdoor for us. I showered in his parents bathroom, and he showered in the other one. I was out before he was, and got dressed in his room. I decided to help Blake with cleaning around the house afterwards. When Ward was dressed, we all worked together and made a squash casserole for dinner. We watched movies as we ate and once Blake was asleep, Ward picked me up and we went to bed, like we normally do. So why does it feel so different?

  He likes me, doesn't he? As in, romantically interested in me. Or does he only want me for my body? Like them. No. He's not like them. He's not and never will be like them in any way, so don't think that way.

  He shifts in his sleep and his eyes flutter open, but barely. He sees me staring at him and pulls me closer, my body flush against his. I wrap my arms around him and he holds me tighter, which I didn't think was possible. My eyes finally close, and I feel what I think is a kiss planted on my forehead.

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  When I wake up, Ward's not here anymore. I can hear him laughing with someone else in the living room. I think it's Blake, but it also sounds like there's one other person in the room. Ember. I hear her annoying laugh now. It's definitely Ember.

  I sit up and walk out of the room, seeing her curly hair and Ward's straight hair quite close to each other. I don't like it.

  I brush by a wall as I step out of the shadows, and my upper arm immediately burns. I forgot to put new bandages on them. Ward stands up and as his eyes meet mine, they travel down to my arms, and when they shoot back up to mine, they're frantic. He walks towards me and grabs my wrists, leading me back into the room. And then I figure out the issue.

  I wasn't wearing sleeves. Ember and Blake almost saw my scars. How could I be so stupid?

  He shuts the door and I immediately go to his closet to find a new hoodie. There's only one more clean one left. It's a white one with something written on the back of it in hot pink. I think it's Korean, but I really have no clue. It's really soft. I wonder where he got it from. Or who. It reaches a little over mid-thigh, completely covering my shorts. Again, where did he get this from? He's barely taller than me, who got him a hoodie this large?

  "Ember should be leaving soon. Do you want me to tell her to go ho-"

  "Yes." He leaves the room to have her go home and I sit on the bed. Why did he look so flustered?