DEAR DIARY [WOOSAN]✔

CHAPTER 3

20th September, 2023

Dear Diary,

Couldn't write for a week. Guess why?

I finally went to the new doctor. He was funny not gonna lie, better than the previous one. He was kind and understanding. He informed my parents that I'll need more therapies the following days. For now, I can go with the medicines. But I swear I don't want to go on anymore. I'll die rather than going through a shitty chemotherapy. And seriously...I'm dying anyways. What's the need of all this drama?

I didn't go to school for a few days. I went today, with a lot pf courage. But...as soon as I stepped into the class, I immediately regretted.

I saw San, ̶m̶y ̶S̶a̶n, with his new girlfriend. The entire class thronged around them, as San proudly announced that they were dating. Even after all the cheer the students made and nevertheless, all the filthy looks and stares I got, I didn't feel anything at first...nothing...just empty...completely empty from the interior. No feelings at all. Nothing. But...but...when...when they kissed...when those sweet, warm lips of his, that always made mine go crazy and want for more, touched those of his girlfriend's, I felt...broken. I felt like tearing myself apart. I felt like killing myself, I felt like screaming, shouting, wailing...Why...why...why me? I left him...I left him for his good. I love him. I still...still love him. But...why...why am I aching so much?

Unable to control myself anymore, I ran to the washroom, away from all the bullying and the rude words. I locked myself inside and I cried. I screamed, cried and tore my hair, crying and crying. I cried so much that soon, my nose started bleeding. I felt dizzy and I wanted to vomit. As soon as I came out of the washroom, I crashed on the drenched floor. What happened after that...I know nothing.

When I woke up, I found myself lying on the white sheet of the school infirmary bed. I felt horrible. I wanted to puke. With a great effort, I got up and ran to the basin and vomited...blood. I wanted to cry. The school nurse quickly informed the principal to call up my parents and send me home.

That night, I cried my eyes out under the shower. I desperately wanted myself dead. I couldn't bear...this unbearable pain that I was going through. As the cold, sharp blade of the razor ran deeper into my pale skin, as the scar burnt and blood oozed out of it, I felt calm, yet tormented. Now...there wasn't a single space in my hands, thighs and abdomen...where there wasn't a cut or a scar.

I kept on weeping...asking myself

Why me?

~Jung Wooyoung

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𝙏𝙝𝙞𝙧𝙙 𝙡𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧...

𝘼𝙣𝙮 𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨?